Ed you must get it together and don't let the depression be your master or you its dog. I know at 1st it is really hard but you have to stop persuing her. She must see a strong confident man, not weak. Imagine you begging and pleading to a girl on the 1st date? What would she say? Our WAS put lots of time and energy into justifying their actions and creating that wall. When you poke holes at that wall they don't like. The holes in that wall must be poked by them.
You must focus on you and be prepared for the worse and hope for the best. She must believe that you are moving forward with or without her. We are pulling for you
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Thanks for all the responses and advice. It really helps. I was very close to texting her this morning but I held off. As for some of the GAL activities, here are a few I've tried:
SCUBA diving: Got certified back in October, going on a dive trip in a few weeks and planning to take the next certification course in March or April
Hiking: I've been hiking countless times, with my dogs and with some friends and have really found some great places out in the woods.
Home Improvement: I've painted two rooms and am about to refinish the floors. This is way out of my box. I even took apart my washing machine and got it working again.
Hunting/Shooting: Been with some buddies a few times to hunt and also to shoot target practice. I've really enjoyed this. This was also way out of my box. In November, I took a hunter safety course.
As for meeting people, there are a few females that I hang out with sometimes. I've been with them to some concerts, plays, etc. One is even going with me on the dive trip. For the most part, we've kept it friendly. They know about the situation with the ex but I am not ready for a relationship I feel. The main reason for that is because I know I'd jump back with EX if she came around.
I am pretty sure that she is avoiding me for a few reasons. First, I think that she is trying to move on with her new boyfriend and thinks it's over with me. Second, I can't imagine he really likes the fact that she's talking with me at all. The way I see it, when she talks with me, she has to do one of two things:
1. Tell new BF that she spoke to me; 2. Hide the fact she spoke to me from new BF.
I can't imagine either one is a really exciting prospect.
Second, I think that she really does still feel a connection. Trust me, even though I'm prone to do so, I'm not reading things into this. The one time I saw her for any length of time over the last few months she didn't want to leave and she told me I looked good and all of that stuff. I told her I had somewhere to be and ended the visit before she wanted me to. She even initiated a hug.
We've had some good conversations over text message the last few weeks. My DB coach has encouraged these so long as they are positive. I guess the holidays just got me down. As for waiting on her to text me, that's hard b/c I don't know that she will. My only hope in that department is to wait and hope that she wants to see the dogs and she'll have to contact me in order to do that. I'm going to try and talk to my DB coach again soon so maybe she'll have some advice in that department as well.
