Asking for Help / Advice Please

[purgatory]

So sorry the holiday was rough for you. Don't beat yourself up for the few
'bad-choice' texts you sent. You've already realized that it probably wasn't the right thing to do, so just use it as a learning experience and try to avoid it again.

" I feel like we both think that if she sees me she will remember at least some feelings, and i think that's why she's avoiding me."

You might be onto something here ^^^^^^. Just remember, that even though she walked away, she still has to go through a grieving process too. She is focused on herself right now and doing what she feels she needs to do. Many people have said that their WAS feels like an alien because they say and do things that are uncharacteristic. [My H told me that it took him 5 months to come to grips that he wanted out of our M. Of course he didn't tell me this until after the 5 months, so he had a gentle detachment because we were still hugging/kissing/ML. meanwhile, once he told me- all of those things went out the window and I feel like all the oxygen has been sucked out the world!]

Try to not contact her at all. Wait for her to reach out to you. Let her set the stage for any R talks, if you bring it up ("I guess I'm the reason you can't spend time with them") is only going to make her irritated.

What things are you doing to GAL? I think it's great that you have your dogs to give you some distraction. Is there a dog park that you could meet new people at? Try meetup.com, they have a listing of a variety of social groups in your area, maybe there is one for dog people. Try to think of other things that you can do to show her that you are fun and attractive... join a gym, take a class to learn a new skill, go on a trip.

It will get easier... wish I had a crystal ball to give you a timeline.