You sound so down, it's so hard to be in that place.
I think you are right to cut out the contact with her because it's like picking at a scab. Each time you don't get the response you crave, it hurts all over again and it's probably not having the affect on her that you would like. She needs to see you as strong and in charge of your life today! You may not feel that was but that's where 'acting as if' comes in. Try it.
Hope you have a better day today.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss