Christmas was a very tough time for me. I spent Christmas Eve with my family and that was nice, though I teared up a few times. Afterwards I went to my house to get my dogs and head back with them to mty parents house. I broke down at my house because after the celebration with my family is the time that my EW and I would exchange our gifts with each other. I sent her a text just to say that I hope Santa Claus was good to her and Merry Christmas. She didn't respond until the next day but she said Merry Christmas. On Monday, I was off work so I played with my dogs. i had gone ahead and made the dog toy she was supposed to come by and make. I sent her a few pics of the dogs playing and one in their santa hats. She seemed excited but down that she can't spend more time with them. Well that's her fault. But anyway, I did something totally against DB. I said I guess it's my fault you can't spend more time with them. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was in such a sad mood all weekend that I just broke down and sent it. Great job reminding her of my faults, huh? Anyway, she didn't respond to that. Later I was working on putting in a floor at my room at my parents house and found an old toy she gave me. It was a stuffed gorilla that sang a song about love. I sent her a pic of it and asked if she had given it to me. It would have been like 10 years ago and I couldn't remember. Anyway, she just said "yeah i did". So another mess up on my part. I'm going to try and stay away from talking to her today. I just still miss her so much and so much of the time it seems like she is really trying to move on. That hurts me so much. I know we could have a great life together if she would let us. I've been doing some home remodeling and that's been nice, but i wish she could see it. She said after the first of the year she'd have some time to come see the dogs. I hope she follows through. I feel like we both think that if she sees me she will remember at least some feelings, and i think that's why she's avoiding me. Oh well, hopefully things will pick up.
