It's been a little over a year now. I remember vividly last Christmas - what an emotional wreck I was - could barely keep it together. Things have been much easier this year, internally for me at least.
XW still behaves the same, "pretending" like we're just roommates with kids. I say "pretending" because it seems unnatural or forced - the not being warm and friendly - you know like "real" roommates.
Every once in a while, she'll let down her guard and actually communicate, but then she'll revert back to what I call childishness, like not saying "Hi" and "Bye" or "G-nite." I don't want to sound like I notice too much, this is not an emotional thing for me - just reporting a scientific observation of behavior.
The more time passes though, the more I realize how bonded we were though the 18 years of marriage. I don't know if she feels the same, but as I look back in spite of the ups and downs in the R, there was a bond I took for granted was unbreakable. Maybe that's my side of it. She obviously had little compunction about filing for D.
I don't know what's worse. A lot (I'd say most) of the DB'ers and LBS'ers here endure months, even years of struggle and MLC while still technically married and clinging to hopes of saving the R and dreading the prospects of D. But my XW gave me no chance whatsoever, nothing, Boom Boom Boom - Bomb, file, D. That's the most puzzling part of it, no ultimatums, no second thoughts, no religious conviction - I thought I knew her. Guess again.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
