"Today was my D's bday. Got home early and told her she should open her present. She did W never came downstairs to see it or be part of it. So I was hurt."
OK, so you are hurt for your D because of your W's disinterest? Do you think your D even noticed? If she did notice, why must you shoulder the burden? Your D is old enough to see what is going on. Let her do some of the emotional work on your W. It's better that your D's anger or sadness come from her towards your W then from you. Don't you think? Did you invite your w to see D open it? This is the kind of stuff you just have to let roll off your back, Rick. I mean, really!
for sure...and you know it Rick...
Then because you are hurt, you get pissy and start making demands about furniture you don't even care about. What ever happened to keeping the road home paved and smooth?
AMEN!!!
Also, in an earlier post you talk about collecting paperwork for the L and that you have 2 weeks to get it all in but you are trying to get it done this week. Why? It seems to me that you could buy yourself more time if you slow-rolled this just a bit. Maybe even request an extension of the deadline. Just something to think about. what's with doing it all BEFORE and DURING Christmas? What's with "making a great Christmas for D" and then dredging all THIS up now? First you put stuff off and now you won't delay any? And somehow you read into your w's purchase of the toner (again, something you could have done)
and geez, just such poor communication!
Tell me ONE way YOU communicate better or differently now, Rick...please...
And btw, what's with making your w 100% responsible for how the past 26 Christmases have gone? "W never did this or that..."....what did YOU do?
Honestly you STILL do this weird thing where it is all up to HER how things go and you are like a passive piece of furniture seething with resentment in the corner acting helpless.
Can't SHE say "Rick never made for a happy Christmas b/c he dumped it all on me"???
Rick, take charge of the choices you made AND the choices you did not make b/c they are still choices...just the not so brave kind...
Next time something happens that gets your dander up, put up that mental STOP sign in your mind and then go take a walk. That is so much better than opening your mouth and getting your self in trouble. Wouldn't you agree?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
yes, Rick - keep in mind how much you are learning about yourself as this whole sukky process plays out. Knowing what you are doing that is not helpful is a great place to be. The hardest thing for me is not to open my big fat mouth. This is SO hard and i'm glad we can be here for each other. enjoy enjoy enjoy D on Xmas day and have a wonderful peaceful day.
HUGS!!!!!!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
At the church's parking lot and noone here? Will wait a bit could really use it today. I decided to go to my brothers house after church. Told D that I would probably be gone by the time she wakes up and if she wanted she could see her gifts. She did and loved everything she got. I did not ask W to join us not sure why. I guess the rejection is getting to me.
I was thinking of staying home but I know that D would be in her room all day W at the computer and I playing video games. We have been doing less and less every year. So instead of being home and pissed I will spend it with family. Get to give my nephew and nieces some money. I know my bro is broke. I am also bringing some tools for him to hold while my sitch goes on. He is 2 hrs away so I have to move stuff every chance I get. Guess there is no service today. Have a great Christmas everyone
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
And to you, Rick. Be well and although church didn't happen for you, just take some time out for yourself during the day to reflect on the positives in your own life and the hardships of others. Maybe find a soup kitchen to volunteer at, if that is something you might do today. And I'm sure your brother and the rest of your family will appreciate your time with them.
Sorry you missed church today. It probably would have given you a strong dose of confidence knowing that a higher power is looking after you, not to mention the comforting feeling you clearly get from being around others in the congregation. Chances are church services were held on Christmas Eve. Maybe next year.
Merry Christmas Rick!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Had a great time at my bro's home. They were very happy that I came over. Thought about my sitch a couple of times but I was ok. The act as if works but it works best when you trully believe that you will be ok with or without W.In September I begged her to sign her name on my nepheWs birth day card. She refused two weeks ago she sent my bros family a Christmas and put my name in it. Today she made it a point to greet me well both times that I went out. She even said to wish my bro and his family a merry Christmas. When I came upstairs to read how you guys we're and to update you my W asked Iif wanted turkey: told no thanks ate at bros house. Not saying that things are great but some improvements I guess
I was thinking on my way that hey I am a stage in my life where I can pack a suit case with some speedos and hit Miami Beach. I have not been there was told that the view can mend a broken heart.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
"I was thinking on my way that hey I am a stage in my life where I can pack a suit case with some speedos and hit Miami Beach. I have not been there was told that the view can mend a broken heart."
Stop it Rick! You're killing me!!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Hey Rick, it sounds like you had a pretty good Christmas. Keep doing whatever it is that you are doing because it sounds like your wife is softening up a little.
If you go to Miami you better take alot of pictures and post them on this site
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
Hey rick, Glad to hear that your christmas was good! I also spent the day with my bro and his wife. Really glad I did! I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a better year for us, i can just feel it!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
W is on vacation this week. She woke up to make me oatmeal this morning. I told her that she did not have to since I knew she was on vacation. She looked annoyed and said she didn't mind. I said thank you. Can't make this stuff up.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
