Wife Has Finally Decided to Walk Away

[2thepoint]

"I believe my wife feels that she has been a single mom at times because of my long work hours."

"She tells me she worked on our marriage for three years..."

Ok, this is just surface stuff. You are going to have to DIG DEEP to determine what you need to work on if you hope to have a chance at salvaging your M.

When your W says she has worked on the M for 3 years, what is she referring to? What are her specific complaints?

"My 180 as of recently has been to spend as much time with the kids as possible as there are times in the year that it just isn't possible due to my coaching."

Is that it? Are there other areas that might be worthy of a 180? You mention coaching responsibilities. Is that what you do for a living or is it a hobby? To what extent is your W involved in these activities? Is this an area that can be curtailed in any meaningful way?

Here's an example from my own sitch: My W complained that I did not pay attention to the kids and that I spent too much time on the computer, among other things.

So, my immediate 180's included spending significantly more time with the kids (help with homework, play games with them, more involved in the discipline, etc.), significant cut back on computer time and became more respectful and attentive towards my W. These are just a few examples. But there are many more areas where a 180 is warranted in my R with my W. And I'm sure the same is true in your R.

A word of caution, you will hear on this forum that the smallest most consistent 180's are the ones that will get noticed. Also, don't do a 180 simply to get a reaction from your W. She'll see it as a tactic and won't believe it is going to last. So choose wisely and make sure that it is something that you can stick with.

Have you read the Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busters? If not, please do so ASAP. Another book I highly recommend is The 5 Love Languages. This book details how everyone has a dominant love language and they often speak their own love language to their S when they really should be speaking their S's love language.

Anyway, you got a long journey ahead of you. You will be challenged on this forum to think and grow and dig deep to really understand who you are, the role you played in the demise of your M and what you need to focus on if you hope to have a chance at reconciliation.

So, dig deep and keep posting.