Merry Christmas to you Snodderly and bless you for all the help you are to everyone on this board.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Ex came to the door today and I invited him in. He has not been in the house for a long long time. We talked for about 2 hours. He wished me a happy new year and we talked about his job, kids, life etc... It was nice. He actually got down on the floor and played with the dog. He has not done that in 5 years. He commented about things in the house and some of the improvements I have done. He walked out on the deck and looked at the back yard.
So what am I suppose to do with this?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, It's been a good day for you and your Ex. Tuck the memory away and don't over analyze it and look for something that may not be there. Tomorrow, his clarity could be foggy once again.
Go w/the flow and allow God to do his work....
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My ex-husband (first time I've typed this - divorce was in August) just wrote me *four* emails yesterday after no real contact since divorce court, where he cried and held me for at least 5, maybe even 10 minutes. From the time he walked out for the first OW (March 2010) through the divorce, he only spoke with me twice and rarely emailed me. Yesterday he also got in touch with his college best friend (whom he'd dropped when he walked out of my life.)
I don't know if it's just the holiday (or booze + the holiday?) or if they are finding their way out of their MLCs (I have several friends who live in the same building as my ex and OW2 and they all say - from different apaprtments - that the screaming and yelling from my husband's and OW's place is so extreme that they have talked about calling the police. We never fought like that, not even once.) It's so hard to tell what is going on with them. He used to be such a kind, decent, thoughtful honest man - I don't know who this man is. Reading your story, I see so many parallels with what happened to me.
So, Trusting, I hope that your Christmas experience signals a real change, but I suspect Snodderly's right - we should both try to tamp down expectations... but maybe a little hope wouldn't be misplaced. :-)
Sending you a big hug and a LOT of hope for a much better 2012 for all of us here!
Discovered OW1: 1/10, H refused to talk. H moved in w 1st OW: 3/10 H cheated on OW1: 12/10 H left OW1, moved in w OW2: 4/11 D: 9/11 Still miss H. Don't understand, H just left, never even talked w me.
Thank you for your posts. Maybe the Holidays do bring out the sentiments. All I know is that life goes on and I must continue my journey without ex. Today was very unexpected like yours Marie, but it could mean absolutely nothing. Even if it meant that Ex was attempting to reconcile then that brings a whole other set of problems.
I am hopeful toward my future whatever that is. I will however never be in that very dark place I was pre and post bomb. I feel grateful that I was able to see a glimpse of my old H. That was a blessing....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Hi Trusting - I have been posting on the Newcomers Forum for a couple months and thought I would check out some threads in MLC to see if my H fits the mold.
I just finished reading this thread of yours and have been so inspired by your strength and courage. I guess I always believed that the W keeps the family together but in your case your ability to stay cool is remarkable. You seem to have given your kids a wonderful home and childhood despite the very trying sitch you are in.
I am amazed yet totally understand that you would consider R with your xh. You are very brave and a wonderful mother as your D christmas cards illustrated. I hope I can continue to handle my sitch with the grace you have displayed.
Your H new life seems to unraveling quickly.
Keep it up. You are so blessed with beautiful kids:)
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Thank you for your kind words. I have not always handled myself well in my sitch. I have been at this a long time and continue to experience the MLC journey.
My 7 year old witnessed ex coming over yesterday. She said some very profound things when he left. She stated that her daddy's "heart is very small to have left his family". She thinks his "heart is growing now." She included that in her night-time prayer and it made me weep. Children view MLC as a heart thing.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Bklyn, I forgot to add that my ex did not stop his horrible behavior until I told him that I wished him and OW the best of luck and I was done being treated horribly. I only responded to him when he initiated it and I began to treat him with unconditional love. He did not always return it, but that was ok with me because I am responsible for my own behavior. Now he appears curious. He still tries to push my buttons but it does not have any impact whatsoever. I let him know I disagree with things, but then I move on from the conversation. They want to battle it out so in their mind you are a terrible person.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you for your concern you are a dear friend. I have a small degree of hope, but to be honest with you I am happy where things are right now. Ex has been somewhat normal and not as hateful toward me. I am happy with that. It is a huge improvement. I expect not much more than that. Him being this way is much better for the kids and that is truly what is important. If he goes back to monster, it is nothing I am not use to. The difference now with me is that I will continue doing what I am doing without as many set backs as before.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
