Peter, this is such a difficult thing but you have it in you to do this and come out a better person. I was reading a thread from the archives in which a LBH said that his situation would be the defining event in this stage of his life.

How will it define you?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss