Your efforts aren't pitiful, Peter - but what I am learning (and 25 has big a major factor in this) is that time, time, time is what it takes. I figured that I slowly did MY part to drag my M into this state (though unknowingly) over the course of the years. I am not going to get out of it NEARLY as quickly as I would like.
If you haven't done it already, take a very naked look at your role in this. I went back and took a look at everything my W complained about and tried to be as defenseless and possible in seeing her view/point. It helped. Though I don't agree with her decision to leave, I can see how she got there and how I helped.
I am the LAST person on this board to be offering suggestions for patience - but I can tell you that it is needed.
