Feels like the bottom of 9th with 2 outs

[NYCPeter]

I don't know the woman but I'd bet a million bucks she's NOT doing this on purpose...whatever that even means...you keep making the same choice of getting angry and not letting it cool off

I do keep making that choice - I'm not sure why, maybe I am in self-destruct mode, I really don't know why I keep doing it, other than being upset and angry at the time.

You could have staved off the prideful obsession you have w/being a doormat and your anger, which were both MORE important to you than the girls having a joyful Christmas.

My girls had a great Christmas - the stockings were up before they got out of bed because I made sure they were. There was nothing I said or did during the day that was either angry or indicated I was upset in any way - I made sure this has nothing to do with my girls and nothing spilled over by the time they were awake.

Not to quibble but that^^^ is NOT consistent. You cannot claim you "quit drinking" and then list what you DO drink every night...

Ok - point taken, but I went from having a beer with dinner and having a few scotches when the girls went to bed, to just having a beer with dinner, not completely quiting drinking but certainly not something that would impact my judgement.

HOW did you do your "best to turn it around"?

Ok - will try to list...
1. Stopped working from home, all my time is with the family when I am at home.
2. Listened and validated my W when I'm not upset (though to this forum it must seem I'm always upset).
3. Stopped worrying about finances - if my W spends money on things I don't agree with - provided they aren't major I don't say anything.
4. Tried (at least outwardly) not to show any resentment when she goes out with friends but finds no time for us to spend together.
5. Worked on little things that in the past I would leave to her e.g. Planning things with girls, fixing things around the house, doing the dishes / cooking, getting the girls up and ready at the weekends.

My efforts may seem pitiful when written down - but I have been making an effort.