Feels like the bottom of 9th with 2 outs

[25yearsmlc]

When you react as you do, (justifiable as it may be) I think you may be pushing your W further out the door and I don't think that is your goal. Is it?

It's not the goal - but at the end of the day the total disrespect and selfishness is just too much - she is doing all of this on purpose and with a lack of consideration for others, too many incidents to be an accident.


I don't know the woman but I'd bet a million bucks she's NOT doing this on purpose...whatever that even means...you keep making the same choice of getting angry and not letting it cool off

she's only using you as a babysitter because you let her. Have a plan, have somewhere to go...

She goes out after work - I look after the girls while she's at work so as a by-product I end up looking after the girls while she is out partying.

The only reason is bothers you is because you care. You care who is hanging with, who she has relationships with, and what she is doing that might further those. That's not detaching... that's controlling.

In that case I may never detach - if she is working on relationships outside of our M and DBing says detach and not let it get to me, I'm afraid I don't have the strength to be a true DBer.


That ^^^might be true. DBing isn't for everyone or at least not everyone can or will do it. And You have a lot of anger you are not able to shelve temporarily - not even for a night, not even on Christmas Eve...the awkward moments and lack of warmth on that day of all days...Not all your wife's fault.

You could have staved off the prideful obsession you have w/being a doormat and your anger, which were both MORE important to you than the girls having a joyful Christmas.

That being said I think you should quit drinking.

I have quit drinking - a few weeks ago I threw out all the liquor we had in the house (my W drinks wine at home), I'll have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner but that's it. One drink a night.


Not to quibble but that^^^ is NOT consistent. You cannot claim you "quit drinking" and then list what you DO drink every night...

Ask yourself would your D tell you to walk away or give W more time.

I would hope my D's would recognize why I had to walk away - call it pride, controlling or whatever you want - at the end of the day I know I have contributed to the situation but as soon as I recognized what was happening I did my best to turn it around.

HOW did you do your "best to turn it around"? Please, I'm sincerely asking...


My W just keeps adding fuel to the fire...

you don't think you added any? Think about that really hard Peter.

The way I see it, she had too much to drink on Christmas Eve-NOT terribly rare, then she had someone sober driver her home, thank GOD, and then you over reacted to something in that scenario and I'm not sure which part bugs you the most, that she had a drink after work, that anyone drove her home or that it was a male? (I mean, many many workers that night had a mini celebration after work,)

Then & there you confronted her WHILE she was intoxicated

and then you left the room and had "A drink" and what else? Fumed? The whole night? The next day too? Did she even remember?

Peter I think there is more in you. This is the time to find it.