Just journaling haven't done so in a very long time...I am doing very well no more crying or feelings of worthlessness....I am a different person than I was when I first came here, this has been a lifeline for me, so many of us have been here for a while...I never thought I would get to this point in my life God had been good,merciful,and has been my provider since my ex has been gone from my life,our lives, which include children, grand children, and great grandchldren.
He was actually here for Christmas this yr. 1st time in 4yrs.since he left.He came over and spent an entire day here with us on Xmas eve and including Christmas. I must say I was exhausted after he left, kinda glad he did, felt like I could relax once he did leave...he seemed like the old husband we even kidded around about some of the old days and talked about things we did, places we went....O/W was left at home because she had to work...Snodderly says these O/W are damsels in distress, and she is right,she kept calling for stupid stuff ,like were there any stores open on xmas,where was a certain thing at home she couldnt find, and all these calls made while I was with him...like she had to make sure he would pick up her call..he sounds like he is very much in love with her I just want his happiness,obvious I didnt make him happy.
Maybe because I was always the one in charge when he was home...it felt weird to be in the same car with him driving going to see relatives and visitng with them.....he seemed so glad to be here with us with his kids and the grandkids...they were happy to seem him too.
These O/W are so needy their knight in shining armour had to be some one else's husband tho. But he is her cross to bear I bet she wonders if she can truly ever really trust him, after all he cheated on his wife...abandoned his own family to fend for themselves.....
I am still a stander tho....in it for the long haul maybe one day I wont be, but I like me now I am a better person...able to take care of me and my daughter and knowing that I can make it without him....
But yea I was glad he left and sad because he did....go figure... I hope and pray everyone had a Merry Christmas and I pray we all have a Happy wonderful and prosperous New Yr.
To those in here that are new... IT WILL GET BETTER BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT GET BETTER....for me it was N/C only in extreme emergencies.....now it wont be easy but it can and will happen...just Trust in the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might and he will see you thru those days when you just want to end it all, to stop the pain that seems unbearable I know the pain. the hopelessness, hoe you doing something will make him hurt like he hurt you...at this point in their lives they could care less....
Take care of yourself for you have to change to....and it will be for the better....WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE..... MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINES TO YOU ALL Irma
