so far so good....

[itsy]

I have not posted anything for years I come around every so often to read.
My life is full and rewarding without ex. It took me a long time to get here and I am still exploring life on my behalf. I was married for 30 years and it took about 3-4 years to move.. just move with my life after D. I went through all the emotions of a death in regards to my D. I finally hit anger and boy did I. I never yelled, screamed, or demanded anything from him until I hit anger. I let loose on him for everything, it took awhile but I got it all out of my system, Once I did that I felt soooo much better and got on with my life. People always told me it was too late to get angry with X, to act on it. For me it was the best thing to do to propel me to what I have become today.
I am now a grandmother of 3 from my oldest son and his wife. My daughter returned from California finally, after escaping there in the beginning of seperation and divorce, She has a great job, circle of friends and a boyfriend...My youngest son has a great job that he likes and is adjusting to adulthood finally...
For me, I do not see or talk to X, other than the three grandchildren's BD's. He lives with his girlfriend, (never OW, OW was a prostitue and many more women and prostitues) in my former house with her mother.. Some times you get what you wish for...She is as my daughter says a overbearing interloper. None of children like her but in order to have a relationship with their father they tolerate her.
I have definitly changed as a person, I don't understand that people can not see this as a result of a divorce, you certainly change, not matter what.I have learned to express my feelings, learned to set my boundaries, while some in my family (mother and sister can't understand) in order to be who I want to be. They want me to be like I was.. really after what I went through, they want me to be that quiet, nice, accomodating, compliant, good child, not happening again in my life. My mother and sister were my worse supporters, sister especially and still is. She always supports X's behavior, how nice and good he is, etc. I have very little interaction with her, it is better for me. I have had very little support from my family members through all of it, and it still has not changed when my own mother and sister still respect, worship the ground he walks on and could never support or understand what I went through, even tho I have tried to tell them what it does to me.. it's like fighting a losing battle.

I started graduate school in 2010 and will graduate in January 2012 with a GPA of 3.96 with a degree in Organizational Management, specialization in \Human Resources. I don't know what job I will get, if I want to work in a business organization, I am currently a hairdresser, but I am very excited about what I have done, and accomplished all on my own. The X I hear is very impressed with what I have done, he should be after all those years he did not respect me as a person or as his wife and mother to our children. Which reminds me, we once talked on the phone about 3-4 years ago, because my youngest son was at his house sick with the pandemic flu.. I wanted to come over and check on him and see him, he is very asthmatic, and X refused to let me come over.. we argued, (unheard of previously in our lives together)and he screamed he wanted respect... I told him what he told me many years ago, you got to earn it, and the chances of that were nil and none, considering what he had done,that he once had all the respect a man could want , yet choose to loose it for prostitues...
Moving on was hard for me, but I did, I did it my way and I am much better person in so many ways now.. Yesterday was Christmas, my favorite holiday for so many years, and it has changed, I still enjoy the day with my children and grandchildren very much. And I am guessing that the reason that I am writing this today is that my mother spoke to X yesterday on the phone to wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him that she was thinking about all those wonderful Christmas's we used to have. He said "I was just thinking about those memories this morning, they were really wonderful." I have always wondered if he remmebered anything good about the marriage, apparently he does at times. Sometimes you still wonder about things, but there are two things that I learned specifically through that ordeal, actions speak louder than words, and you can survive anything that God hands you, it just might take some time, but he does not give you more than you can handle, and that has keep me sane and focused through out it all.