Been home for almost a week... I really need to detach. I hate what my W has become... So cold, selfish & hurtful. Why do I love her... Or am I in love with the memory or shadow of the past? Did I turn her into the selfish monster that she has become? I hope not... But I DO accept responsibility for being the catalyst that started this nightmare. W is moving out... Prob will tell the kids after NewYears. For now, sleeping in different rooms. She is so anxious for a D and she knows very little about the process ect... She wants me to help with the arrangement... But isn't that like asking me to build my own gallows? I had to leave the house just now... Can't stand being so close to her... I want to hold her & tell her that I love her ... But her callousness also makes me want to scream and run away ?! I have 3 IC appts sched'd over the next few days. Hopefully they can help sort out these feelings. Christmas was nice - I could tell that W made an effort to make me feel comfortable.... But how can I feel at ease knowing that she is tearing the family apart & has some crazy idea of co-parenting and an amicable happy Divorce. So hard to be upbeat around her.
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
