Last night turned out to be harder then expected...the combination of first christmas without H, first christmas of no santa (boys are all grown up) and not being able to buy much for boys caught up to me. Cried myself to sleep wondering why this is happening the way it is...i just dont get it..

I am truly blessed as i had one special friend who stepped up and brought bags of goodies for boys stockings, snacks for xmas eve and even snuck a bag to S14 to stuff MY stocking...such a great friend and will never forget it..
Had me in tears..
so busy today that didnt really think much about it...but this morning S14 posted to his dad on fb..want you here for christmas....
Absolutley broke my heart, and just like last night..he blew him off and did not respond...i dont know how he does it....i really wanna know so i can do it...to him!!
Heartless, spineless immature selfish idiot...my son has been sad most of the day because of him...the only smile i saw was when he surprised ne with my stocking..i cant thank my friend enough for THAT gift...

Me:48 H:42
M: 18 yrs.
S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H
D bomb: 9/9/11
OW confirmed 10/30/11
D papers filed 11/01/11
S15 S21(Special needs) S28

Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...