So here is my question IS and others....to all LBSers what is it that the WAS could have said BEFORE an affair or before leaving
that would have made enough of an impact to get you to change, the way you are now?
is there ANYTHING they could have said or done that would have gotten YOUR attention AND Changed You? other than leaving you?
Advice for the advice giver, anyone?
For me it was communication. I wish my wife would have just told me something. I learned so much her when she started opening up.
I know I would have changed if she would have said something.. because even though she has hurt me badly, my heart still breaks for her.
25 - Are you familiar with Imago Therapy? There are alot of DB techniques involved but it creates a safe place to for couples to talk.
That what it seems to be needed - IMO. It's human nature to put up our defenses when we feel like we are getting attacked. It's hard to express our concerns without placing "blame".
Imago therapy really helped my w and I communicate. I often believe that if we kept with it, we would not be here.. because even though we were both angry - when we entered that safe space - our love for each kept us present. Our love for each other grew.
That's when the walls came down. That's when the progress happened.
That would be my suggestion at this stage of the game.
Sorry for the hijack.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
