Today was interesting?? I got up early to start cooking for Christmas Eve dinner. When H came into the kitchen, he said good morning and rubbed my back- he hasn't done that is over a month!! He didn't try to avoid me like he's been doing over the past few weeks and he initiated several chats with me... the whole time I kept saying in my head: 'it doesn't mean anything'. We went to a friends' house for dinner. He was chatty and friendly with me at that house as well. At one point, I was holding my baby to put him down for a nap, H came over to give him a kiss and put one hand on the small of my back (his face was only a few inches from mine... it took all my focus not to lean over and kiss him!) We played card games after dinner and my H was joking/and picking on me like he used to (he actually taught me to play cards in college and when I make a silly move, he always says: 'I didn't teach you to do that!') We got home late and put the kids to bed. He went to the couch to watch TV with his brother and seemed to barely notice when I went to bed. He didn't check on my tonight before he went to bed.... so, the 'good time' is over. To make matters worse- he wore my favorite outfit (one that I picked out for him a few years ago)... it's almost like he was teasing me: "see what you can't have?!" I found myself strangely attracted to him A LOT today, time to turn that back off!
I guess I have now experienced the 'come close, push back' situation that I have heard so many people talk about on this board... it's not fun. On a positive note- he hasn't tried to talk about our separation papers in a few days... I know it's probably because his brother has been a good distraction, but I'm just glad I haven't had to walk down that slippery path of emotions this week
I have 1 more day with him before he leaves for his vacation without me... I really hope I can hold it together during the Christmas fun... knowing that this could be the last one as a family.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12