First post, words of wisdom needed

[In_Shock]

No, the cocktail will put you to sleep for a short time, then wake up at some crazy time wide awake!! Been there.... did you get the melatonin? Or even go to dr. for ambien? I personally swear by xanax the past couple of months.

Yes,it is SOOOOOOOOOOO hard to see my formerly loving W sitting there texting OW for literally hours (read my whole sitch, it's pretty pervasive!!) The pain is visceral and I cannot figure out what to do to make it go away.

I posted on a livestrong website under an article about detachment. If you look there you may be able to find me and connect with me on fb.

I loved San Francisco. it is the world's coolest city!! I went to college there, and fell in love with the whole ambiance of the place. I'd move back there in half a heartbeat if my sitch was different!!

I remember WELLL the nights of no sleep. I didnt sleep for at least a good week after I found out for sure about OW.....I still have them occasionally, especially when W and I have one of those gd R talks that never bodes well for 'us'. She's "done" and "So ready to move on with OW"..... Sh@t.... those nights (last night) I sleep very little, even with xanax. I got netflix recently and have started to watch comedies to fall asleep to. Does it help? Well, I guess somewhat.

My struggle is ---- we've had SOOOOO much time together. HOW am I so disposable to you? I feel like yesterday's garbage, you know?? Like I said on my own thread, I'm pretty emotional today. Damn holidays!! Tomorrow I am going to W's parents to see S open his gifts there, but then??? Will I stay an hour an be expected to leave? Will they ask me to lunch/etc... I am so ready to just SLEEP for a LONG LONG time without waking up --- I always say March sounds good.

LOL. Again I'm so sorry u are here, but glad you found our club!!!

[purgatory]

Ladies, I can only imagine how hard it must have been to confirm the OW in your lives I'm lucky enough to not have that unfortunate event happen... yet.

I LOVE melatonin!! I actually found an online store that sells it in a cream form (a little more expensive than pills).... put it on the bottom of your feet and throw socks on over it- out in 15 minutes and sleep like a log!! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to use it in a while since the baby still wakes up sometimes and I have to be conscience enough to deal with him. in fact, I've used it on my kids a few times when they are sick- the doctor's said there is no harm for them in the cream form... and they are able to get a restful sleep.

Sunshine- I really hope you find a little peace and happiness under your christmas tree tomorrow

[sunshine76]

Hey IS, I haven't tried melotonin yet, but I definetely need to get some because not sleeping is not helping my depression. I have been insured under my W's plan until about 2 weeks ago when she kindly took me off (even though she said that she would never take me off of her insurance until I was able to get it on my own). So prescriptions are not an option right now.

Personally I don't think sleeping until March is going to be long enough for me unless you were talking about 2013.

I know what you mean when you say, "The pain is visceral and I cannot figure out what to do to make it go away." Picturing the OW holding my W and knowing that she is getting the amazing W that I used to know is really to much to even process. I have no idea how people get through this!!

6 months ago I would have bet my life that my W and I could work through anything and she would never be with another woman. I know that I made alot of mistakes. My mom was killed in a car accident 7 years ago and was only 46 years old and that threw me into such a deep dark depression that I was totally selfish and neglected my W. Don't get me wrong I had issues with depression before that, but this took it to a whole new level. I'm sure like most people on this board I cannot even begin to imagine life without my W. I had every intention on growing old with her. I don't understand how they replaced us so quickly and have absolutely no qualms about it.

I am going to go through and read your posts tonight (I'm sure I will be up most of the night).

I can't imagine going through this with a child so I give you so much credit!!! Try to be strong tomorrow. If you can't muster up the strength for yourself try to dig deep and do it for your son. Don't let them get the best of you. Walk in there with your head held high and a smile on your face. Don't give them any reason to pity you or to resent you. You are much better than that!

I haven't posted on facebook in years, but I will have to check out livestrong.

Try to hang in there. I know that we are waist deep in this crap right now, but I also know that some day we are going to look back and it is all going to make sense.

Purgatory I can't thank you enough for all of your support. I had no idea that melatonin came in a cream. I am definetly going to google that because sleep sounds really good right now. I hope that you have an amazing christmas with your family!

[sunshine76]

I would just like to wish each and everyone of you peace and happiness. I think that this board represents the true meaning of giving.

Most people here are suffering and when you are suffering it is very easy to become selfish and not have a care in the world as far as other people's problems go.

I just want to thank you all for sharing your stories, offering love, support and laughter. I will take those gifts over a rolex any day

[~ kd ~]

Well... a rolex would be nice, too...

Have yourself a great day, sunshine!

[sunshine76]

LOL thanks Kaffe. I hope that you have an awesome day as well!!

I have a question for you all and I am hoping to get your opinions.

My W and I are living in seperate bedrooms (and have been for about 3.5 months), but I never emptied out my side of the closet or the clothes that were in our dresser. I have pretty much all of the clothes that I wear on a daily basis upstairs so I never need to go into the master bedroom to get stuff. Given the fact that she is now in love with her old flame and am sure enjoying an awesome vacation with her at this very moment should I empty out the closet/dresser before she gets home. Like I said I really don't need the stuff that is down there, but I know that I have been leaving it there so that she doesn't forget about me.

I think that I know the answer and I guess maybe I am just hoping one of you will talk me out of it

[~ kd ~]

The truth of the matter is, in life, there's no right or wrong. There's good behaviours and there's bad behaviours, but no matter what you believe (in), at the end of the day, what you do in any moment is simply a catalyst for that which is to come.

At least, that's my opinion.

Having said that, I did the "midnight move" when my W was away. Looking back, I can honestly say that I did not do it to get a reaction from her. Rather, I believe I did it because I didn't want to face her WHILE I did it and I'm sure it would not have happened, but I did not want her to talk me out of it. How I did it and WHY I did it was selfish. It was for my own purpose.

I don't know I would have chosen a different path in hindsight. I don't think so.

So in reading what you said, I notice that it is about her. Both leaving it there AND removing it.

Are you going to base your actions on HER... or are you going to base your actions on YOU?

And then remove them or not... based on what YOU need and want for YOU...

[sunshine76]

Thanks you so much for posting Kaffe. Your right this is about her. I don't want this R to end and if it was up to me I would leave the clothes there and move back into the room, but let's face it that is not happening anytime soon if ever.

I know that the only feeling she will have by me emptying out the closet is a sense of relief. I have been hanging onto to this relationship with every ounce of my being and it is taking a horrible toll on me.

Everybody here says that actions speak louder than words and that you should fake it until you make it. Right now I am admittedly faking it, but hopefully she will not be able to see through me. The message that I want to get across to her is that yes I understand that you have moved on (even though she doesn't know that I know about OW) and I am no longer going to try to stand in your way.

Hopefully someday in the near future I will be able to make decisions like this because it is what I want to do and because it makes me feel good, but I am not there yet.

Oh well, I guess I should get back to cleaning the closet out...

Thanks again Kaffe

[~ kd ~]

NP, shiney!

We sometimes talk about taking back our power on this site.

I like to say it a bit different... I say STEP INTO your power... Step into your greatness... BE who you are...

If this had NOTHING to do with your W, then I'd suggest leave your stuff in the closet and move back into the room. Period.

OTOH, I completely understand you wanting to "stay out of harms way" by continuing to keep a separate room.

Honestly, if I really wanted to step into my power, I'd move back to the house... but... I really don't want to... 'cause... I really don't want to...

You'll get to that point. You're well on your way. Once you really get there... it's wonderful... and if there is to be any R with your W, that is the place to come from.

Be well!

[sunshine76]

Journal:

I wasn't expecting wife to text today (just really hoping that she would). Needless to say she did not.

I truly do not understand why?? I know that she is with the OW, but we were getting along great before she left.

I gave up going to see my family for the holidays because she asked me to watch the dogs so she could spend christmas with her "mom".

I have been working on myself. I am no longer moody, I joke around with her, I do all of the cleaning, I have done her laundry on many occasions because she has been working late, I waited on her hand and foot when she was sick. I thought I was doing good because she was responding positively, but I guess not. I honestly don't know what my 180's should be when she gets back?? I had no idea that she had it in her to be this cold.