So here is my question IS and others....to all LBSers


what is it that the WAS could have said BEFORE an affair or before leaving

that would have made enough of an impact to get you to change, the way you are now?

is there ANYTHING they could have said or done that would have gotten YOUR attention AND Changed You?

other than leaving you?

Advice for the advice giver, anyone?


You know what, 25 and IS? Part of my pre-DB talk off with W while we were living separately under the same roof was, "before you got to this point, you owed me the discussion of 'I'm thinking about leaving - we need to get help'". My W looked up at me and absolutely SNARLED "I DON'T OWE SH*T!!!!".

Fact of the matter is this: if I am being honest with myself, IF she would have had that discussion with me, IF we would have gotten help - chances are my changes (if any) would not have lasted. Sadly, I am ashamed to admit that it took something this painful, this disruptive to snap my head back and force me to look within and really want PERMANENT change that my W would both notice and need.

It's funny, because I acted like all my wife had to do was tell me that she was considering divorce and I would just "fix" everything. I still think that my W has her own set of issues that helped draw us here - but the simple utterance of the word "divorce" would not have caused the change that was required.

I can only hope that it's not too late for me.

Crimson