Quote for the day: "Little things sometimes have a much bigger impact than we realize!"
I think.. no, scratch that. I know that I was wanting to see him come out of his depression and I know I pushed him. I think his depression was depressing me. As a said before, I have backed off completely and refocusing on me.
I had my fitness class on Thursday. After work yesterday, I spent time shopping (found some outstnading deals). And right now, I am at the salon (siting under the dryer) enjoying my Saturday and trying to take care of me.
As for my H, he is at home watching TV. We plan to go shopping when I return for a present for the hostess (his best friend who doesn't really care for me and who I don't really care for) at the dinner we are attending for Xmas. I am looking forward to spending time with the H. I just hope that he is okay.
Happy Holidays everyone!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Pampering yourself is number one today. Go to the party and have a great time, whether you like the hostess or not. It's about getting out, meeting people and relaxing.
Remember...live your life as best you can and allow your h the time to figure things out. Depression doesn't happen over night, nor does it end quickly. He will have to figure this out for himself...you can't help him, except to be a friend and have no expectations about what he does or doesn't do at this time.
Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - I enjoyed the pampering. I have a new hairstyle and feel good. I haven't been to a salon in 7 years!!!!! When I got home, my H noticed (without any prodding)and said it looked great!
It was nice, but I am trying to kept expectations to ZERO. I took a break to post this. We watched the Redskins/Viking game (sorry to see my Reds lose again!!) and he is now watching what remains of the Jets/Giants game. I am cooking our Christmas dinner tonight since we are going over to his best friends place for dinner tomorrow. So far, it is has been a pleasurable afternoon.
I wish you all a wonderful Christmas!!!
DU
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Enjoy the holiday, but keep your expectations at zero!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It's nice that he noticed the hair!! That's a positive
If you keep your expectations at zero... then you are guaranteed to enjoy your Christmas day... cause you can't be disappointed if you weren't expecting anything!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Having a bad day. I am really out of it - I just sat in my car crying for a half hour. I am feeling used at this point and I guess it is showing. Please help!! He is pulling away.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, Pull yourself together! If he's as depressed as you have indicated in your postings, he's going to pull away. The holidays are a downer for most depressed people. Leave him alone and put the focus back on yourself. Stop watching his every move and live your life. What do you normally do during the day? If you have a routine that normally follow for the week, then get to it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I feel like the wind got knocked out of me. He is like a lost soul with absolutely no heart. I started to notice him pulling away a couple of months ago. He used to want to talk and now.. NOTHING!!!!
I was and am still a mess this afternoon. My tears continue because I feel so distruaght and unsure of everything. I feel like telling him that I want off of this train. I have always been an understanding W; I have always been there for him.
We spent the last 3 hours watching 2 movies with him just laying on the couch with absolutely no care and says he doesn't have anyone to talk to. When I asked if he can speak to his best friend, he says " I don't talk to him about things like this....; I talk to you." But he DOESN't talk to me. He ignores me. If we have spoken in the past, he doesn't want to hear what I have to say (even when have not argued) even when I suggest that the talk to someone professionally. He is the type that doesn't believe that he may or could be having individual issues to deal with.
I forgot to mention that I found porn again on our computer. I probably triggered something that caused him to slip away again. But I believed that I was right to question him about what I saw because I thought we had talked about it. He just sat there and looked at me like I had two eyes.
I am right now downstairs in our basement watching TV and then plan to go a few rounds at the pool table to improve my shot. I have had a rough day.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny, Have you ever just sat and listened to what he has to say w/o offering up your opinion? Maybe you need to step back a little and treat him as a friend who just wants someone to listen and not offer up advice. He's not looking for you to fix things...he just wants to be able to talk. If you don't step back and keep your expectations at zero, the man is going to turn to another woman. It may not even be the same one as before.
I understand your concern about the porn...Do you question him about everything that he does or doesn't do? If so, that could also be why he's not talking to you. Remember...you are not his mother and you do not want him to look at you in that manner either.
His crisis is about him and him only and he needs to find himself and figure out what it is he wants, where he wants to go w/his life, etc. Your journey began the same day as his. Your journey puts you on a different path and that path is one that is for your self rediscovery. Destiny, please stop expecting this man to snap out of it...it takes a lot of time. If you really want off the train of mlc, then step off, but I warn you, once you open up that car door, there is no telling where or when that train will return to the station and who will be on it.
You need to decide are you on or off that train? If you are going to remain on the train, then you need to turn it over to God and allow him to do the necessary work to heal your husband. You can't do it because you didn't break him. You can only fix yourself...so are you with us or have you had enough? If you are w/us, then you better start digging deeper within yourself for more patience because that is what it is going to take to get through this. Just remember, the more you push, the harder they will pull away from you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have listened at times and offered absolutely no solution; but when pushes me, I respond and that is what is NOT working. He always wants to know what I think, what I think we should do. How do I not offer my opinion when he pushes for it?
I don't want him to turn to another woman. I want my M; As you said, I need to dig for a deeper understanding and patience while he works this through. Why do I feel that we LBS have to prove to ourselves and our spouses before or even if they ever begin to want to re-stablish relationships with their loved ones? I have to admit, it was much easier to deal with things when he was not at home.
Since I have calmed down today and not seeing things from just my perspective, I stepped back and I am trying to enjoy my evening.
I am still here and with fighting for me.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
