First post, words of wisdom needed

[In_Shock]

Yes, purgatory has great advice!! Sunshine, I know how scary it can be to live in 'her' house. In my case, we have purchased the house together financially, but it is all in W's name, so legally....well... It's really scary, but keep your cool. Don't bring it up at all.

It's also important to do as purgatory said about not asking any questions. I have made that mistake a few times and it NEVER ends well. The less you know, the easier to DB. Snooping is, in my opinion, a quick way to screw up your PMA. When I snooped the one time i did, I saw way too much and had OW confirmed in a way I cannot erase ever from my mind. I haven't snooped a bit since, and what I don't know is better left UNKNOWN. Lord knows I hear enough/see enough just by virtue of the fact that we are still living together in the same house...

Which leads me to another thing. Many here say it's a great idea to keep living together - you get more opportunities to DB. Well, that's a hard one for some of us to buy --- I've lived it with OW in my FACE since August 28, and I can honestly say I think this sitch has been made much worse because of our living together. If we were apart (which is going to happen after the first of the year) I could be at my best when I see W,not have to deal with her incessant texting OW, running off to see OW, bringing gifts from OW in the house all the time, jewelry fliers addressed to W: a preferred customer, and the list goes on......

Nutshell: living apart to me seems to be the only chance MY W and I have to maybe one day work things out. She is firm in always telling me she sees no future with us -- that she is "done" etc....... I think I've been absolutely crazy at times due to this inhumane living situation. How in the world can ANYONE live like this???? Some of these DBers are amazing. I just don't have the fortitude I guess.

BTW I used to live in sunny Southern Cal. years ago. I also lived in cool/beautiful Northern Cal as well. I miss Cali. I have family out there, and if it weren't for S, I'd be considering moving back out there.