Curve balls? Heck, I don't even play softball!!!

[In_Shock]

no sunshine, it wasn't a waste. It was cathartic, but I just had typed SO much I couldn't do it again -- and it wouldn't have been the same. (if that makes sense)

I know u just found out about OW-- I noticed that immediately in the sig and my heart broke for you. I remember the day I found out my worst fears were reality. I called a DB coach, I broke down in my boss's office, I broke down in my office, I cried and cried and thought I'd surely be dead within the day. But somehow it's 4 mo later -- W is out with OW RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE and I'm still kicking. Some days are easier than others -- wish it wasn't the holiday season -- but you will make it sunshine. If you're like me, you'll be wiser, more cynical, but ultimately a better person.... at least that's what I'm hoping/working toward.

Yes, I look in her eyes and they are cold. COLD - something I never had seen from her in all these years. Around here they call WAS aliens....and it totally makes sense. They say/do things that our W's wouldn't ever do.

We adopted S when we were together 9 years *same time as you* and I guess I thought, well, at a certain point a R was pretty safe... I NEVER IMAGINED W would walk out on me. NEVER was in my thoughts at all. I guess that's why they call it a BOMB.

Oh, and don't worry. You will think of many creative ways to torture OW. Funny thing is I actually ran into her face to face the other day. (small town) I'd never seen her in person...I kept my class intact and acted as if I had no idea who she was. I laughed with people, got a good look at OW and wondered for the hundredth time...WHAT ON EARTH does W see in her??? Most definitely NOT sour grapes, believe it or not. I just don't see anything attractive at all....

I'm sorry all for being a downer but this holiday is just throwing me for a loop. I feel pretty close to the edge of sanity.....Questioning everything. W led me into a R talk last night.....I'll post about that later. I didn't do well, but do i ever???? Nahhhhhhh......Add in xmas and i cried. I don't need two by fours. I gave myself enough of them......
I'll do details later -- but I didn't start the convo and I did beter than i have SOMETIMES....

I think this living together with OW in the picture is impossible. I remember one of the other posters...who was it?? said he couldn't "even act like a rational human being" while living with his W knowing about OM... That's me. I simply cannot sit here and be all 'sunshine and freaking roses" when she tells me she's spending xmas eve with OW's family NOT her own SON.

End of rant.