Thanks sooo much folks, I really needed that. I was actually doing alright until she informed me that she is going to file after the Holidays. Again, she said no hope of reconciliation. In a moment of weakness I told her I was not going to move out. She said that if I did not she would.
I have read this a dozen times here, but still it is so profoundly surreal when your best friend becomes somebody you no longer recognize.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Trying to stay positive. I realize and appreciate that I need to be working on me. I am working on me. Still, I am having doubts. Do people ever reconcile after one partner is extremely steadfast with the decision to walk away? I see a lot folks here on the forum hurting and nothing changing.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Very though today. I will have to leave and get a motel for the next several days while her parents are here. I have been keeping to "my" room in the meantime. She seems to be making a point of the fact that she is very happy and excited about the holidays. She did not come home until after 1:30 a.m. this morning. I nkow none of my business...
This really [censored]! Niether of us has friends or family here in MS. I feel so utterly alone and helpless. I know what I need to do, but it is so damn hard to concentrate while being here in the same house. I am at the point that I am feeling very angry and bitter inside. Fortunately, these feelings are not manifested outwardly.
Yeah I am a wussy - need some cheerleading here.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Mnky, I can tell you with complete certainty, it ain't even over if you end up D.
Right now, I know of at least one WAS who is wanting to reconcile with there D'd LBS of over 4 years.
That's not to say that path is the one that will occur for you. It is only to say that, we can only control us.
There are plenty of examples on this board, currently going on, where this stuff works to save an M and if saving the M does not happen, the LBS finds their peace and becomes a much better person because of it.
The LBS hurts because they haven't detached. Don't fear detaching. It's not easy, but it almost appears to be the corner stone to salvation, if you will. It sounds simple to do, it is counter intuitive, and IMHO... it works... bar none...
As for the cheerleaing... As much as you had a hand at the deterioration of your M, I see greatness and compassion in you that your W would be fool to leave. Work that, my friend... BE that person, find your greatness and your life will be better in so many ways!
Mnky, I can tell you with complete certainty, it ain't even over if you end up D.
Right now, I know of at least one WAS who is wanting to reconcile with there D'd LBS of over 4 years.
That's not to say that path is the one that will occur for you. It is only to say that, we can only control us.
There are plenty of examples on this board, currently going on, where this stuff works to save an M and if saving the M does not happen, the LBS finds their peace and becomes a much better person because of it.
The LBS hurts because they haven't detached. Don't fear detaching. It's not easy, but it almost appears to be the corner stone to salvation, if you will. It sounds simple to do, it is counter intuitive, and IMHO... it works... bar none...
As for the cheerleaing... As much as you had a hand at the deterioration of your M, I see greatness and compassion in you that your W would be fool to leave. Work that, my friend... BE that person, find your greatness and your life will be better in so many ways!
Must detach...Thanks!!
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Also, mid this year, a good friend of mine (who was the WAS and possibly MLC) re-united with his X. She detached, he ended up pursuing...
It's not easy... it will take as long as it needs to, for your personal needs to work through the emotions... but once you find your peace my friend... your smile and presence will light up a room and life is fantastic again.
KD is right -- it's not over until YOU say it's over. I know a few stories -- like one of my profs hubby left her for 8 years, came back, begged for second chance-- they've been happily remarried for a LONG time. That is the first one that always comes to my mind. My prof who was the lbs told me 'the best revenge is living well.' she thrived while hubby was off with OW. she didn't 'wait around' but it worked out that they were able to reconcile. She told me "we have a great life now". I love that story.
I am having trouble with detachment myself and feel the need to drop the rope as others have said -- you are doing well so far. Keep the PMA.
This stood out to me: "I have read this a dozen times here, but still it is so profoundly surreal when your best friend becomes somebody you no longer recognize." It's so true and the fact that we call them ALIENS makes perfect sense huh???
Hang in there!!!!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
And being in the same house really is the hardest thing for so many of us LBS. What I do is post a lot here sometimes, probably too much -- but it helps to sometimes ramble and get it out.
I will be thinking of you. I'm praying 2012 will turn out to be the polar opposite of 2011 for most of us. Keep posting often. You will get great help from the vets and sympathy/empathy from the rest of us!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
My more recent challenge has been transitioning from boundary (ie. "Sorry, thanks for the offer, but I would feel uncomfortable to be there.") to detached (ie. "aw, man... thanks for the invite, I already have plans. Have fun.")
I'm close, though... I think it's more a case that I forget to say that, rather than actually feeling that...
But it starts with working through our emotions and bettering ourselves effectively, and through that, beginning to detach emotionally using boundaries if necessary...
I also need to detach. I'm still wrapping my head around needing to assign boundaries, since my ex seems to think he can go have his fun after breaking my heart and still flirt with me incessantly. Very painful and mind-boggling. I understand completely what you mean when you said you feel you've lost your best friend. So many changes are going to be happening to me very soon, and I won't get to share it with him in the same way.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
