Hi, Shaky! Sorry you have to be here, but in a crappy situation, this is a great place to call home. It sounds like you are really taking the right steps. You were asking about literature. In addition to Divorce Remedy and the 5 Love Languages, I also really liked His Needs Her Needs (although it could be construed as a little sexist at some points). But I liked it because it has little surveys you fill out that not only help you learn about your spouse, but learn about yourself too (like, I'm physically attracted to my H, but in the grand scheme of things, that is least important to me, which I never realized). And if you go to his website, there's a LOT of free info on there. Also, just for your own mental nourishment, I liked The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama.
I think the thing you need to keep in mind is patience is key. It is more than just a virtue in this f-ed up game, it's a necessity.
Also, MWD outlines that you should take careful behavioral observations and write it all down. As a behaviorist, this is how we determine if our "treatment" is working. We have to write down measurable behaviors. You can't measure feelings (i.e. don't write down "She was happy today". You don't know that. You aren't in her head). BUT, you can write down things that you pointed out like, "kisses me goodnight" or "said 'I love you' 3 times today". After you track it for a while, you may see the pattern of behavior change (like going from 3 ILYs to 6 ILYs). When you figure out what you want to increase and how you can contribute to that, you will feel like you have a little more control on this rollercoaster. At least it did for me.
That's all for now! Hope it helps! You sound like you're doing all the right stuff.
