Ok, so....left to visit my parents' house earlier tonight and had a curious experience. I really lost it when I left my house. I really searched myself for why I was upset, and all I could come up with was that I wished I could have everyone at MY home this year, and it won't work because I'm the one who lives a few hours away, and my dad won't travel...but I didn't want to leave my home, because I love it so much.
Not my home and XH's home, but MY home. Yeah it's the same house, but it's different now. I think I've finally "claimed" it for myself, and I've come to identify it as my place, and I'm happiest there.
Anyway I left despite the tears, and I got to my parents, and I'm here now and pretty happy. It's not the life I expected, but it's good anyway.
I am really blessed. I feel happy that this holiday season, even though I still feel sadness over XH and the marriage, I can at least see the good things I have, as last Christmas, I was far too depressed to see anything :-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
