"I said that I would prefer to work on our M, but if she wants a D, I won't stand in her way..."
I know you cringed inside saying this, it's not the natural thing you want to say here. Takes a measure of resolve to say this but it's needed. (She'll be thinking about this, probably not what she expected. Almost always, a WAS is trying to push some buttons when threatening the 'D.' Side stepping like this helps to 'level things' so to speak.)
When in this, we all want to say in one way or another, "WTF what are you doing!! Smarten up, etc etc..." (Sorry for the direct language, but...)
Resist trying to convince W or W will run further, guaranteed. Picture this, if you came after her saying you'll do anything to make it work, 'Sweetie, I will do anything you want just take me back, oh please oh please!!' How would you respond to that personally? Bit creepy maybe? Or what about, 'What the hell are you thinking?! Get you're head on straight you %^&&^!' How would you respond to that?
Be pleasant. Be understanding. Be easy with forgiveness where appropriate. Give the space she needs when asked for. If you get a feel she doesn't want to be around you excuse yourself with no fanfare. Go do your own thing with no muss or fuss. Be a soft place for her to land on. If things get a little tense, excuse yourself politely and go do your own thing for a bit. Go play some pool with a few buddies or something like that. (Sure, ok, if W does get out of sorts and unfair, 'you can be much better when you're not like this to me. Let's come back to this later once we've cooled down, good with you?)
"If my W doesn't want me, should I be completely non-sexual. I have always been absolutely faithful to my W... But she is throwing our M away."
Yup, W is doing this or that. Does that mean you should do the same? Find some flash in the pan in to fill a void? Or should you give it the best shot you can? Maybe W is going through a bump in the road and if you ride this out it could be even better than before, what if?
Get involved with someone else now and that will grease the wheels for 'no.' I guarantee that relation won't last. On that, once done, you'll be filled with yet another hole that will have to be filled (Sigh...)
If you're eventually going to get involved with someone else make sure you've exhausted everything first, and then some! If you jump too soon you'll be sorry. At that, it's not fair to the other person. If for some reason, despite you're best efforts W actually moves on anyway then fine, you'll know you did the best you could. Down the road, if that is actually the case and you find someone else wonderful, fine. Until then, if in doubt, 'do it yourself.'
"I traded one Hell for another... At least in Afghanistan I knew how to survive. This new battlefield is so complicated."
Chin up, you're back home and you haven't have to deal with this face to face yet. Give yourself some leeway here. Acclimatize, scope things out and see what's what first. Don't be too quick to write it off. Give it time. Santa might have something up
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
