"My W continues to be very interested in my (potential) new work opportunity. She does not press the point but she asks and TMs about any news. She asks about the interview process and my feelings about my chances of landing the position. I am very positive about my chances. An announcement is expected any time. We have struggled financially in the past and that has been a major issue for her and this opportunity would reduce the financial pressure. I suppose one could interpret her interest positively or negatively. I choose to be positive about it."
I've seen it posted somewhere on this forum: "Be open to miracles, prepare for the worst, hope for the best."
I'll just leave it at that.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Here is an update on where things stand: work sent me on a business trip out of town recently. It went well. W contacted me a couple of times during the trip to give me updates on the kids and talk about a few other things too. W and I spent New Year's apart.
Being S and living under the same roof is growing more challenging. Although I very much want our M to reconcile and succeed, there are times when I prefer when W is not in the house to when she is because there isn't the awarkwardness of being M but not acting M or ever discussing the M or the future.
W still has not said anything further about D, which is good, nor has she mentioned that she filed and then withdrew her filing. She says she is cautiously optimistic about the possibility of me being promoted at work. She has told me that she likes my rediscovered positive attitude and optimism. She complimented me recently on finishing a long-overdue project at home. We still have no emotional or physical connection. We S in October and she mentioned some of my bad behavior from before the S recently. I told her that was who I was, not who I am. I want to move forward with a couple of house projects but W either does not respond when I mention them or says that she does not think it is a good idea for us to take on the debt. At times I sense that she is observing me to see if the changes I have made are real and lasting. At other times I sense that she has not changed her mind about a D and is waiting until the time is right for her to file. It is driving me crazy not knowing what she is thinking or what her intentions are. I feel like I do not have any direction and am stuck, especially on joint projects like our home. I want to ask her what she is thinking so that I can have some guidance for me (move on, stay the course, etc.), but I do not think it is the DB/DR thing to do. Can someone who knows this road better than I do please give me some insight/suggestions? Thanks.
Further update since earlier post: up and down day. W engaged me about world news several times at breakfast. W ignored me when I said goodbye and left for work. The vibe seemed especially awkward when I returned from work. Asked W about dinner plans. She said she wasn't hungry. Took Ds out to eat (mainly to get out of the house and W's hair). Expecting news regarding my promotion at any time. Don't know if I have mentioned this but it involves a major change in the focus of my work and my re-assignment to an altogether different company within my company. Not sure how to handle accepting it when it comes. Should I wait and consult my W? I am afraid if I do that I will be tempted to turn the job conversation into a conversation about the R (since both W and I believe that a number of our R problems are related to my work. I also believe that one of the reasons, for good or for bad, that W withdrew her D filing and did not tell me about it was to see what would happen with the promotion.). Hard to know what to do to keep the focus on me moving forward and continuing to change for the better when I know in my heart how I want my W to react to the promotion.
The main thing lately is that I find myself taking a lot of walks to get out of the house and to avoid asking W what the heck are we doing? Are we moving closer or further apart or just stuck? I don't want to push her out the door but being S and living under the same roof is becoming more challenging and frustrating for me by the minute.
Been thinking and have two questions for the Forum: at the outset of the S (October), when I was pursuing like mad, I apologized to my W for my behavior. Since that time I've come to realize how deep my W's hurt runs. (Sandi wrote that the problems didn't happen over night and she was right.) Does anyone think it is appropriate/prudent now for me to acknowledge my W's hurt? I want her to know I truly am sorry for letting her down and not being a great H.
I'm not sure bringing up old hurt right now would be a good idea, I think you got to keep moving forward. There may be a time and place for it, but I don't think it is now.
M 33 W 29 S 4 M 5 T 7 11/7/11 Separation, W moves in with parents 12/1/11 W: "IDLY, I'm not coming back, it's over" 1/7/12 D Bomb Dropped
Thanks, CO. Frankly, I don't want to raise any issue that would place the focus on who I was rather than who I am becoming. My thought was only to acknowledge the depth of her hurt feelings that I brought about. You are correct: it is probably better to table the idea.
Latest update: W re-filed for D today. Like the last time (a month ago), despite telling me she would, she did not tell me that she was going to file (once again, a friend of a friend who works in the legal system told me about it). I'm devastated. The potential of not seeing my kids every day is unimaginable. I felt something negative at home over the weekend and thought this was a possibility but despite the frustration I was feeling and posted about, I am feeling no relief, just hurt. Not sure what to do. I am not sure I should mention that I know to my W when I get home tonight. Not sure if she will mention it to me. Not sure what to say to her at all. Not sure how things will look going forward, what the living/visitation arrangements will be. I'm very anxious. I have not heard about my promotion (expecting news any time) and not sure what I should say about that to my W under the circumstances. This whole thing stinks. INS Forum.
Expecting news regarding my promotion at any time. Don't know if I have mentioned this but it involves a major change in the focus of my work and my re-assignment to an altogether different company within my company. Not sure how to handle accepting it when it comes. Should I wait and consult my W?
Will this promotion move you to a different location? If this promotion will affect your family, then I believe you should tell your W that you did received one. You could just tell her you were offered, and see how she responds. She may tell you at that point that she filed again.
My advise is not to prevent her or to get her to do anything, and it's not some method of DBing, but to me, it sounds like the right thing a man should do. She's living under your roof and she's the mother of your kids. Any time there is a major change in your life, such as this, you should tell her as long as the kids are growing up. Don't get into a R discussion.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
