Husband Left...Part 3

[Hopeful321]

Not a good day.

I screwed up with my H by texting back and forth. He text me:

H: i know we joked about it yesterday, but I dont think i should p/u D today

M: I know. I had planned on it.

H: k. also, can we please go back to the previous D schedule until u start school again?

M: i do not want to bc i feel this schedule is best. It will be in her interest. this is not a discussion for texting messaging. may I ask why?

H: well, if it's not a conversation for txting, i will answer ur question 2nite when i call u to discuss

M: Now why are you being an a$$

M: Look i start school in 2 wks so why bother.

H: OMG! no, i'm really not! I am following ur directions, period. u say, "It's not a convo for txting." I don't want to discuss this at work, so i'll call tonight.

M: reread it. maybe its the tone

H: YOU CAN'T READ TONE IN A TXT MSG! unless it's in all caps, then the sender is screaming

M: then maybe its just me bc i am not feeling well. btw thanks for asking how i am feeling.

H: yeah, its u alright! wish u would see it before u go off on me and pi$$ me off!

H: shut up

M: WHATEVER

M: hey if i was grace, jerri or brandy or theresa would u ask me how i was feeling?

M: did i hit a sore spot with ur friends. u always did put them before ur family

H: no, ur just being a b1tch and i want u to be quiet. sorry u dont feel well, but dont take it out on me.

So what do I do? Do I apologize or what? How much damage have I done?

Please help!!!

[BklynMom]

Apologize once in person then drop it. Something like "Sorry I wasnt feeling well and I took it out on you."

Dont replay the scene over & over just move on. Not a big deal. You will handle it better next time. A bigger mistake would be to wallow in self pity.

Say sorry once and move on.

[Hopeful321]

Thank you. I will the next time I see him, which is suppose to be Christmas Eve.

I guess I am angry with him because the day of my surgery he acted as if he cared. But the next day, he could care less.

[workinghardguy]

Hopeful... that's probably because the day of your surgery her probably did care and the next day he probably didn't.

Not to be morbid but... surgery is always one complication away from going very badly. Part of his concern could've very well been born form self-interest. I'm sure he doesn't want to be widower father to a two year old. But once you were out and on the mend.. well, that danger went away, right?

[Hopeful321]

Sent H a text apologizing for yesterday.

M: I want to apologize for yesterday. I wasnt feeling well and being xmas time. I took it out on u. I will pick our D up and ret her to u tom night after dinner.

H: Sorry I didnt call last night. ADD and TV sidetracked me didnt think about it till 10 pm & didnt want to call that late.

I have been on the crazy train from day 1, which is 3 1/2 years now. I am tired. I am thinking about hoping off. But my love for him keeps me riding.

[Hopeful321]

H called me this afternoon. He waits to change the visitation schedule with our D for 2 wks. The reason for 2 wks, because I go back to school. He told me that he could not handle her no more than 2 days at a time. She is going thru the terrible twos. So, I gave in.

Why does the LBS have eat so much sh1t from the WAS?

[Hopeful321]

I hate the holidays. I can't wait for Christmas to be over with. Christmas is suppose to be a time for family to be together.

Some days I have hope that my H and I will get back together and sometimes I don't. Today is a don't day. I am trying not to think about him, but it is so hard. He is out living his life and I am stuck here in mine. I know it's my choice.

[workinghardguy]

Christmas is suppose to be a time for family to be together.

And you are... your d and you ARE a family... focus on that.

Just as an aside... last night I was working on the computer, which is in our living room, and the kids were watching some very lame Disney TV series... the one with the twins before they started the series set on a cruise line... Anyway, it was a campy Christmas episode where mom and dad, who are divorced, are snowed into the hotel together and are getting along. The teenage twins get it in their head that mom and dad are getting back together! To save you the campyness... at the end a baby is born to some other woman and one of the twins is sad because his family isn't like the baby's family. The twins' dad pipes up that yes it is... because that baby has two parents who love him just like the twins do, even if mom and dad don't live together.

So yes... at that point I wanted to vomit because of the acting and plotline, but I begrudgingly have to admit they had a point.

[Hopeful321]

Wow! The last few days has been great. I spent Christmas Eve at my H apartment with him and D. We put our D to bed. Then we started to wrap and put together toys. He asked me if I wanted to go with him Christmas Day to see his mother and take her to lunch because it was her birthday as well. I said yes, I would love too. He replied back with "cool." We slept in the same bed, but he stayed on his side and I stayed on my side.

We did Christmas morning with our D, which was nice. Then we took his mother to lunch, which was nice. On our way to lunch, his mother wanted to stop by his brother's place, but I didn't want to because I did not know how I would be treated. But it turned out to be a nice short visit. Then off to lunch. My H told me that when I got up to take our D to the restroom, she told him that we get along so great what is the problem. He told her that he was still limbo about us.

Then he asked me to stay Christmas night and I did. He did give me a few kisses but that was okay with me.

Yesterday he wanted to talk about us so we did. He said that he did not know what he wanted but he is afraid in six months that he would still want a divorce that he did not want to hurt me. I told him it would hurt regardless. He said that we make better friends than husband and wife. I told him that we needed to build our friendship along with trust and go from there. I told him that I expected the worst and hope for the best. Some of the other stuff that we talked about he said I know that sounds like I want my cake and eat too. I agreed to that statement, since he said it. I told him we a person has a child, it becomes a 24/7 job without days off. He admitted that what he likes about being separated was having a day from our D. She is going thru the terrible twos right now.

He did tell me that he notice some changes and he liked it.

We had such a good time together. And he did too. I could tell.

[CO1978]

Glad to hear things went well over the last few days.

He admitted that what he likes about being separated was having a day from our D.

That is something that may need to be addressed, could be he is having problems being a father. Maybe he needs some help with dealing with the stress of parenthood.

Good job on everything else, keep up on the changes!