Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

So that is everything up until this morning.

My friends, family, and kids are telling me that the guy clearly has feelings for me, and they think he is a little confused. I don't know about all of that.

They told me to give it another month and then see how I feel.

It's going to send me a clear picture if his lady friend comes to visit for New Year's weekend. Even if she does, I am not sure I am ready to throw in the towel on him.

I had 4 months to think about this, and at least 2 months of time knowing how I felt about him. He has had about 6 weeks I think.

I know the guy loves me. For that, I have no doubt.

But I don't know if he is smart enough, or strong enough to get to the place where I already am. And I definitely don't want to wait months for him to get there.

At the same time, I don't want to have any regrets.

So I am trying this "buddy" thing right now.
Doing the "act as if" stuff.
Avoiding R talk.
Showing him how great we are together and who I am.
Showing him some new and great stuff he never saw before. As I've said, ever since I came back from Israel, this has been a period of enlightment for me. I know he sees it based on comments he has made.

After all the pain from the divore, my ex, and the OW, I don't want months and months of DB-type efforts. I am way beyond that now in my life.

Until now RC has never let me down - always there. Until now.

Yes, he is still there as my friend, but I would like him to figure this out on his own -- that there is more there than just a friendship.

I know I deserve that, for once in my life.

I do believe he is the guy for me. And it took me all these years to get there and be able to admit that openly to people. It doesn't mean he and I will be together. But it means I see it, own it, and will fight for it.

And when my mom tells me this is the guy, I am going to listen. She has always been right about that. She told me to go fight for him.

LOL, okay mom.

Now, how much fighting? I don't know.
How much waiting? Not sure.
Will I help the guy? Of course.
But I won't be able to be "his best buddy" forever - my heart is an open wound right now, and there are limitations.

It has been great to journal all of this so I can see the patterns. It has been helpful. It also proved to me that I am not crazy.

Feedback is welsome. Thanks!