I read through your story and all I saw was what you want, what you miss, and how you feel. I understand that you are wrapped up in some very powerful feelings now, but they seem to be mostly focused on you. You seem to be viewing the OP as sort of a competitor and you seem to be hoping that your history with him and your very strong feelings now will erase her from the picture soon so you can be back together with him. Where are his needs and feelings in this picture?
You didn't go into a lot of detail about why you broke up but you did break up; it was probably very painful for him. How will he know that getting back with you would be different? What has changed? How are you different now? Be very careful that it's not fear of being alone or regret for giving him up that's driving this, and that you're not "convincing yourself." What are your 180s?
In my opinion, you've put yourself out there and made your case, and now you need to back off the pressure so he can explore the other relationship. Let him learn what he wants, what is best for him. Be the best you there is, and create mystery, and let him come to you. Meet him where he is - match how he approaches you with how much you put forth to him, rather than pushing and pursuing.
A lot of us feel rejected and want our relationships back partly because we resent being rejected. Now that we're rejected we love the person more than ever and we promise to be better because we want to get our way - but we really haven't changed inside. Your situation is different in that you're the one who broke up, but there are similarities in that you want more what you can't have. Just be careful about that, so you don't get it back and realize you don't want it again. Real and lasting change....
I think given your situation you might let him know the door is open. Work on changing whatever it is that caused you to break up. Work on examining your motives. And let him come to you...or not. As they say, either way you're better off.
I wish you the best, A.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
