Separated But Living Under the Same Roof

[sandi2]

Though I will say that acting disinterested is terrifying because I feel that she WANTS me to be disinterested and just leave her alone.

I think I can say the same thing to most everyone dealing with a WAW. Right now the WAW really wants you to just leave her alone. To be very blunt, she's just sick of you. Everything you try to do goes sour b/c she is so turned off to the LBH of any pursuitstoward her, or resistanceto what she wants. She's so fed up with him and this M and wants to be free of it until she thinks she doesn't want him to be interested in her ever again. Now listen guys, b/c I think this may be what some miss. She desperately wants to be free to the point of convincing herself she doesn't care if you M somebody else. Do you see that? It's not that she really wants you to fall in love with another woman......it's that she wants to be free! That's why she's fights you so hard when you put up any resistance. That's why she gets colder if you pursue.

Here's the weird thing about most females, once she begins to feel free of you trying to change her mind, and she doesn't feel hounded by your pursuit, she begins to relax a little and enjoy her new freedom. So, if she sees that you are not only through with resisting what she's asked from you, and she sees you are through with pursuing her, she can begin to see why you aren't doing it any longer. If it's b/c you've gave up and are a beaten man, then she feels sorry...but after all, yada, yada. However, if she doesn't see a man with a broken heart for her.....and she sees a man who seems to be doing quite nicely without her.....and in fact, he doesn't seem the slightest bit interested in what she has to say or what she does.....well, that's different! (And note that disinterest is not the same as bad behavior.)

That's usually when a lot of WAW's will try something to see if their LBH is still carrying a torch. The mistake many men make is showing her that torch still has a flame. B/c once she knows she can still cause that flame to rise, she'll be on her way again. That's why the LBH has to make her work really, really hard to get him back.

Now, you won't see it worded like this in the DR book. This is my wording. I don't think it's off the DB trail, but I've said it a bit harder or bolder, perhaps. It really is after the LRT.

The first thing Michele teaches is to detach. But that is the hardest thing for the LBS to do. If the WAS has really lost all concern whatsoever for the LBS, then they won't care how much the LBS moves on, and neither will they be curious about anything the LBS does or feels any longer.