Think about what you've gained, Rick. You've made a lot of new virtual friends here. You're starting to get yourself out there. You're going to church and meeting people there. Your relationship with your D has grown. You've taken a long, hard, look at yourself and grown from that.
We were just talking about at my Men's group at church tonight how when you go and serve others less fortunate it takes your mind of your own problems. I think you saw that with your reality check today. I saw it on a mission trip to WV this past summer. I'll probably see it again in Belize. When I was there focusing on others, I didn't even have the capacity to think about my own problems, or when I did, they seemed really, really small.
Today my D turned 15 I remember when she was 3 months old and we took her to daycare. My W was so happy to return to work, I cried all the way to work when we left her there. I think my W was annoyed at my me for that. So I will try and have fun with her today. Got her a new laptop hope she likes it and doens't fry it like the last 2.
I know this may sound weird to many of you but this Christmas will not be any different than other years. Only differnce is that we are not getting each other gifts. W really never put much emotions into any celebrations including Christmas. Truthfully in the 26 yeasr I know her parents I never saw holiday decorations in their home? Sad.
I will make the best of it for my D. Will ask her if she wants to attend tomorrow's evening service at church. I hope she does.
Have a great Christmas weekend everyone
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
W really never put much emotions into any celebrations
It's sad but I have the same feeling Rick... in some ways, this will be the first Christmas where I actually will receive gifts that I want but only because I bought them. For years my W has never put much effort into gift giving or the holidays. I always put so much energy into it that it became a point of resentment between us, but since I didn't want to upset the apple cart I never said anything.
If my W had her way all the gifts would be under the tree still in the shopping bags they came in. No wrapping, no bows, nothing. There was one Christmas about two or three years ago where my W did a great job getting gifts, but generally she put such little thought into it. Over the years as her level of investment in gift giving got less I always wondered if there were deeper problems in our R, but was afraid to ask because I didn't want to hear the answer.
Then again I will never forget the second Christmas we were together. Her dad dropped off our gifts and they were this random assortment of stuff that we were both fairly sure he "lifted" from where he was working at the time. And they were all tossed into a Walmart bag. Like father, like daughter.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
This morning I asked W if she had bought ink for the printer. I am still gathering paperwork for her L. She said yes with a smile. I told her I did not wish to bring the house deed and car titles to work to make copies, afraid I may loose them. She than looked sad when I said that. But I have about 2 weeks to produce tons of stuff and I am busy at work. I would like to have it all completed by next week. This past Monday I made copies of some documents. When I walked into the kitchen I said hi and I noticed that W was fixated on the documents in my hands. Maybe I need to be more discreet. But she has always managed all the paperwork and I need to ask her where some of the stuff is. Not sure why I wrote this?
I have initiated convos during dinner and she has been responding. Last night she even smiled at me . can't make this stuff up
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Christmas has never been fun for me. I would put so much energy into everyone gifts and made it special for everyone. But no one made it special for me. My first H gave me a gift our first Christmas together as a married couple. Now my present H, he gave me a gift for our first Christmas together, but after that he quit.
He didn't even get me a gift from our daughter.
I always made sure everyone had gifts, even if you were a visitor at my house.
Well let the 2x4 fly I deserve them. When this started my W tried to sell the house with me included. Today was my D's bday. Got home early and told her she should open her present. She did W never came downstairs to see it or be part of it. So I was hurt. After dinner I told W to mark what she wanted or what she did not as in furniture. I told my L that I did not want any of it. W asked a couple of months ago to hire a moving company to put things in storage. I do not see why I should pay for stuff I do not want. When this started she was willing to throw everything in the garbage. Today she said the same I told her, when this started let's wait and see what the Ls say. Am I acting like WAS? I told her my bro wants the furniture since he is having finacial problems now she wants all the
I know I am being passive/aggressive. I really need to post to calm myself down. I am really tired and done.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
"Today was my D's bday. Got home early and told her she should open her present. She did W never came downstairs to see it or be part of it. So I was hurt."
OK, so you are hurt for your D because of your W's disinterest? Do you think your D even noticed? If she did notice, why must you shoulder the burden? Your D is old enough to see what is going on. Let her do some of the emotional work on your W. It's better that your D's anger or sadness come from her towards your W then from you. Don't you think?
This is the kind of stuff you just have to let roll off your back, Rick. I mean, really!
Then because you are hurt, you get pissy and start making demands about furniture you don't even care about. What ever happened to keeping the road home paved and smooth?
Also, in an earlier post you talk about collecting paperwork for the L and that you have 2 weeks to get it all in but you are trying to get it done this week. Why? It seems to me that you could buy yourself more time if you slow-rolled this just a bit. Maybe even request an extension of the deadline. Just something to think about.
Next time something happens that gets your dander up, put up that mental STOP sign in your mind and then go take a walk. That is so much better than opening your mouth and getting your self in trouble. Wouldn't you agree?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2 TP I want to control that is why but I am noticing it. So I guess that is a good thing. You know I will reject you before you reject me kind of a thing. Really since I am more aware it does not feel good to do some of that stuff. It bothers me that I did/do that stuff. Will continue to look at it and try and change
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick - I get it, really I do. In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm this close to pulling the trigger and filing for D just so I can say, "There you go dear, beat you to the punch!"
That you are aware is good. Self awareness is always good. You just need to STOP before you act so that the awareness can be channeled towards something that is helpful and not hurtful.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
You're starting to get yourself out there. You're going to church and meeting people there. Your relationship with your D has grown. You've taken a long, hard, look at yourself and grown from that.
I remember when she was 3 months old and we took her to daycare. My W was so happy to return to work, I cried all the way to work when we left her there. I think my W was annoyed at my me for that. So I will try and have fun with her today. Got her a new laptop hope she likes it and doens't fry it like the last 2.
. can't make this stuff up