I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but since my posts are moderated and delayed, I don't quite remember what I have written already.
My husband is supposed to come home from our temporary separation. He went to a hotel for a few days. I know that his head is still not in the right place. Yesterday, once again he said in a text that "we are doomed" and that he doesn't believe it will ever improve. He also said that he's terrified of coming home. I don't know what he's terrified about. Can he not stand being in the same room with me? Could he have anxiety issues? I'm very terrified about tonight, too. I don't know what to say or how to react. I know not to bring up R, but I know he will. To prove a point, he'll take something and beat it to death and then some. I know he will ask me again how I feel about this.
Today is also my first IC. I'm looking forward to it. I hope I can learn some tips for tonight and how to get through XMas. I am afraid of what will happen after the holidays. I'm so tired of this self pity, but I'm in so much pain. If he decides to move out for a longer period, I know I will need to let him go. The thought of that rips me apart. What a big mess!
