Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

Timeline (part four):

11/27 – the rest of the night
RC and I started talking on Facebook IM. It was a continuance of the earlier text messages. I said that I wanted to spend time together and work on us. He responded that he thought that was what we were doing. I tried to explain myself, but before I could type anything, he responded that his family loves me and I am always welcome – at his sister’s farm, etc.. Then he said “We are ALWAYS friends.” I responded “Is that all you want? To be friends?” Then he said, “I think I told you that I was talking to someone. And you said you had dated, or whatever you said.” I responded that I didn’t know how serious the thing with the other person was and that there was nobody in my life and I was not dating anyone.

Seeing where the conversation was going, I picked up the phone and called him.

We talked for 2 hours.

He told me more about his lady friend and confirmed some things I expected. He didn’t say her name, but I know who she is.

She lives 5 hours away and he doesn’t know exactly how that will work. He said that she also lost her husband and they had that in common. He said that his mom had met her but that his mom didn’t like the fact that she had a different religious background. She is Mormon which is so much different from being a Baptist.

We talked more about what happened in our relationship.

Somewhere in the conversation, God whispered in my ear “TELL HIM EVERYTHING AND LEAVE NOTHING OUT, NO REGRETS.” I stumbled and stuttered, but all of a sudden, I poured out everything in my heart. I told him how I thought we belonged together. I told him that my dreams are his dreams and the break let me see that. I could go on and on about what I said and what he said, but there was nothing left that I did not say. I knew that if I never talked to this man again, he would know how I felt.

I did everything except ask him to marry me. He got choked up and started to lose it.

I told him that I didn’t know why God wanted me to tell him all of this when I know I am going to be rejected. He responded and said it is so clear that God is working on you.

He told me I was incredible a couple of times. At one point I was crying and he said “It’s okay BabyDoll.” He used to call me that and I have really been missing hearing him call me that.

He said that I had given him so much in that conversation and he was happy I shared all that.

He said that he felt that this other lady deserved a chance and he wanted to see where it would go. Then he said “But since you are taking risks and putting yourself out there, I’m going to put myself out there and ask you something. If I decide that his other thing is just a friendship and I ask to spend time with you, what would you say?” I responded that I couldn’t say no.

He said that his head was about to explode and he probably wouldn’t get much sleep. We ended the call saying ILY.

Before I went to bed I sent him the link to a song I had mentioned during the call. Every time I hear it I think about RC. It makes me want to give all my heart and take risks. I sent him a text and let him know that I sent the link as promised.

11/28 (Monday)
RC sent me a text that morning to say he would listen to the song when he got home from work. I responded and said thanks for the talk. I apologized for keeping him up so late, but said that I meant everything I said. He responded and thanked me for telling him everything and that he had a lot of regrets. He said he didn’t get much sleep.

He didn’t ever respond to me about the song. I saw him on Facebook later that night and asked if he listened to it. He said he had and he thought he had heard it before, but he didn’t respond to the song. I kept the conversation light after that.