Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

11/22 (Tuesday)
We discussed doing something on that Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, since neither of us have to work. We had mentioned it when we met at Starbucks. Once he confirmed that he was off, we decided to go to some outlets and a Christmas event that is about 1.5 hours away.

11/23 (Wednesday, day before Thanksgiving)
I remembered RC said he had tickets to a basketball game and was going with his best friend PH. And I thought about his mom being alone after church. I knew she would go to Thanksgiving communion (I was planning to go too), and I knew that we talked about things we are thankful for. Thinking about this being the first holidays without her husband of 46 years, I didn’t want her to be alone. So I called her and offered to have a girls night with her after church service. She loved the idea.

Later she called and asked if I wanted to do dinner. I thought it was a great idea.

So we went to dinner. During dinner I sent RC some texts from her phone, with some goofy things I know they would be saying during the breaks at the game. He figured out it was me obviously.

After, we went back to their house and she and I played Yathzee. My old pad from last time was still there so I just used it. There was another name on one of the pads and she tried to pass it off as being something htat had been in there for years (gotta love that woman), but I knew it was the other lady. I just pretended to be clueless.

RC came home later and we all played Yathzee. We ended up talking a lot after and I didn’t leave until nearly 2am.

11/24 (Thanksgiving)
I had to be up early because I was helping prepare dinner at a church that was serviing dinner to the homeless. I planned to meet my boys at my brother’s hosue later that day. After being up so late I was dragging a bit, but I made it and the event was very rewarding for me personally.

On the way to my brother’s I called RC to say Happy Thanksgiving and chatted with him and his mom for a few. I explained how it felt so wrong to not be there with them, when it had always been “us” for the past 4 years. He agreed, but I dropped the topic.

While I was talking to his mom, she invited me to come over later for dessert or something, if I wasn’t doing anything later after I had dinner with my brother. I pondered this a lot that day. I finally decided to take her up on the offer. I went to their house and again was there pretty late.

That night, the phone rang (around the same time I have noticed it ring before) but they both ignored it. I saw her glance at the clock. I figured it was probably his lady friend. I couldn’t confirm and he didnd’t seem to mind not answering, so the night continued. I’ve seen this happen a few times now, and he always ignores the call – always around the same time if I am over there.

11/25 (Friday, Day after Thanksgiving)
As planned, RC picked me up from my house and we drove to the outlet and Christmas thing. We shopped for quite awhile. He helped me find shoes. The clerks assumed we were married and we didn’t correct them. There was one moment when I turned around to walk toward the clerk and I felt him rub the back of my head. I didn’t know what that was about, but I didn’t mind. I just kept walking.

We had a nice time, bought some gifts, and then went to the Christmas thing. It was full so we decided to go somewhere else. We walked around a merchant squarer for a couple of hours, sat on a bench talking…under normal circumstances, I would say it was a very romantic evening. But we didn’t hold hands, touch, etc…It was not the same as when we were together, obviously.

We talked about a bottle of wine he bought me last year that we never drank. I offered him a deal. “I will make you dinner, if you will come help me drink the wine.”

He drove me back home and he came in for awhile. We talked some more. I told him that it seems like I really messed up on us and he asked "Do you really think so?" It was so hard to read what he meant by things he was saying, and it still is today almost one month later. I told him that I was sorry for the past 4 months and for taking so long to get up the nerve to talk to him. I said I wish I could undo it all. He said it's just like what the Bible says "East from the West" basically telling me all was forgiven. I don't know what came over me but the next I knew, I had taken his face in my hands and planted a big powerful kiss on him. He didn't stop me. In fact he kissed me back. It wasn't passionate, just firm and direct - making it very clear how I felt.

We said goodbye and he left.

11/26 (Saturday)
He took his mom and grandson to their family reunion out of town. I heard from him just once to learn that he wasn't coming to karaoke with some friends.


11/27 (Sunday)
I went to Sunday School and sat by him as usual. During church he balled up his coat and put it behind my back. It made me smile because I knew what I had told him the week before when we talked on the phone. Sure, maybe he was just being a nice guy. But I knew that he knew how much it meant to me.

I didn't know if there would be another lunch invitation after church. There often were when we were together. But when church was over, he said that he and his mom were going to the cemetary to put flowers on his dad's grave. There was a time when I would have been invited, but not this time. We said goodbye and I drove home. Tears started streaming down my face.

I took a nap and then my older son came over and we started decorating for Christmas. It wasn't the same without RC helping us. I sent him a few texts, telling jokes about the decorating of Christmases past and we had a few chuckles. I told him we missed him and he said "Sure, you just miss me helping you with all those heavy boxes" meant to be a joke.

Before my older son left, I told him what had been going on and how I had taken a chance and talked to RC and spent time with him. He was so happy. He loves RC and always hoped we would get back together. They still talk sometimes too.

More happened after my son left, but that will have to come on the next post...