Feels like the bottom of 9th with 2 outs

[workinghardguy]

That's a good list Peter... now you need to face those fears and figure out what to do about them. And remember that "restoring my M" is not a viable answer.

For some the answer can be that while it's your fear, it's not your problem. For example, the fear of whether your W can care for a special needs child. Certainly a valid fear, but not one you can control or that directly effects you. One solution could be putting resources and plans in place in the event she fails and you have to take over. Another might be identifying resources that would help your W, and then finding a way to introduce them to her.

For other answer you will need to prioritize and pick one over the other. For example, your fear of loneliness and your fear of not seeing the girls are oppositional. If you move closer to family you will see your girls even less. If you stay with your girls you will not be near your family. The classic Catch-22. So which is the greater priority? Assuming it's your girls, then you need to address the loneliness factor. Can you videochat with family? Make new friends in the local area? Make more frequent visits home?

And for other fears you will just need to face them head on and find ways to work them. For example, seeing your girls only EOW. You want more time.. ok, how can you accomplish that? Can you take them for a few hours one or two nights a week? This doesn't have to be overnight. It could just be dinner or helping with homework or taking them to the library. Can you volunteer in their school? Can you volunteer in their extra-curricular activities? Or can you fight for more time than EOW? Ultimately fear can be a great motivator if you channel it and control it.

It's when fear drives us unchecked that we do stupid things. Fear of a martian invasion is what drove people to jump out of windows during War of the Worlds. Fear of a country that used slavery as a tool of production drove Lincoln to wage war on his own people. In both cases fear was a major motivating factor... but in the former fear controlled them and in the latter the fear was controlled.