Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

[MAL]

HI everyone. I am not really a newcomer since I am a member of the Class of 2002. I used DB for several months after my Ex H left me for OW. He and OW eventually married and I moved on. I am very familiar with DBing techinques and got quite good at it. In the end, it didn't work for me, but I do believe in it.

I am not married now, but I find myself here looking for support from some wonderful people who were there for me when I needed it most.

So why am I here??

I was in a relationship for 4 years. In July 2011, I decided to give up on the relationship and broke up with the guy. I had a 4 month break from him, dated for a little while, but I kept thinking I was cheating on my ex boyfriend. For the purpose of this site, I'll call him RC.

The 4 month break did me good. Within 2 months I felt that we had made a mistake and should have worked things out. Or we should have at least talked more. I think I was so overwhelmed with many other things in my life that I saw it as an "out" from more stress and hard stuff. I also think I felt like I was settling if I stayed in the relationship with him.

And most of all, I was scared. Scared of taking a chance, stepping out in faith, scared of another failed marriage since it seemed that was where we should be heading. After 4 years, it seemed to be expected.

So anyway, when we broke up I stopped attending church (his church that I started attending when we met). I rarely saw him. We did exchange texts here and there or might post to each other on Facebook. I saw him one night for a family game night, since we said we'd remain friends. And I saw him one day when I dropped off a gift for his niece that was getting married.

That night for game night I started thinking about what we had given up when we broke up. And within a matter of a couple of weeks, I knew....We messed up!

The spiritiual awakening really started in July when I went to Israel for 2 weeks with my son (more about that another time). That was followed by a lost feeling for about a month or so. Then things started falling into place. It was like God took hold of me and didn't let go.

I went to the northern part of the state for a conferrence. It just happened to be the same place where RC used to live and everywhere I went or looked, I kept thinking about him. A week later I went to visit his sister who lives in the mountains, my favorite place in the world to visit. Again, he is all i could think about.

That was October.

In early November we hosted a student from Israel who was here with a student exchange delegation. I was off most of the week, and I had a lot of time to myself. I prayed alot about where I was heading in life, and I just kept coming back to RC and what we had. I think I took so much for granted.

Since then I have been spending a lot of time with RC and in many ways I am DBing. It felt so familiar to me.

I know that my family and friends all think we belong together, but sometimes they don't have the proper perspective to give me advice. And if you don't mind, I would like to share here and get advice from the wonderful and wise folks that we have here on this forum.

I really could use the point of view from others. Newcomers seemed like the best place to start, for now.

My thread is named for the song by Tanya Tucker. It's one of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke, and it is one of RC's favorites that I sing. Last year he even had that put on my birthday cake on a karaoke machine. Since life kind of feels like that right now, the name seemed to fit.

Before I continue, I need to say that RC has been "talking" to someone who lives 5 hours away. That has been going on for out 2 months now, based on my estimations. I know they have seen each other maybe 3 times in those 2 months. They have been online friends for a couple of years (went to high school together).

Finally, to understand where I am, feel like I need to share a timeline of what has happened.

Please bear with me as I share a timeline of what has happened in the past 6 weeks. ONce I get that posted, I'll be back to share some more.

Any and all input is welcome. God Bless!!