Separated But Living Under the Same Roof

[sandi2]

I have said that it is for me and the betterment of our family. Should I drop any comment regarding the second part?

I would say no.

is there anything other than continuing to make changes and GAL that I can be doing to enourage her to keep an open heart to the R/M and not bolt?

You may not understand what I'm going to say, but here goes. To look for the WAW to have an "open heart" is wishful thinking, IMHO. The WAW package is setting on a foundation of her having a closed heart to you. You cannot say anything to "encourage" her to open her heart. She will fight anyone who tries to change her mind about it. Therefore, it will be best for you to not entertain any thoughts around that subject.

The R continues to be up and down. Two days ago, my W invited me to join her and the kids in looking at Christmas lights. It was a short, fun trip. I took it as a positive. Later the same night, however, W brought up Christmas and said that spending several days together "as a family" felt "forced" and "awkward" because "of the situation between us" and that she feels "trapped" in the house. W said we don't talk about things. I said that I thought that is what she wanted. She said that is what she wants. W then said that I can do whatever I want but she has to take care of the kids. (This statement is totally false

She is "up & down". What she said she wanted has not brought about the feelings she previously thought would come. My suggestion is to pull back a little when she "invites" you for a family type event. Remember to have your schedule full and you can tell her that you had made previous plans. She needs to see that she can't have it both ways. She is wanting to be free, but she still wants the benifits of family time.

If I may ask, at what point (I know it is not a precise thing) does the WAW want to engage the LBH in a conversation about the state of the R/M? (Meaninng both the present and the future.) Perhaps a better way to ask it is this: if a WAW is wrestling with the idea that she may want to consider giving her H/M another chance, how does that diaolgue get created and what role, if any, does the LBH play in the conversation?

Okay, I see right through your LBH fixer ways. If this conversation were to ever come about....it would not be through you. If she decides to really give you or the M another chance.....you must let her do the approaching and the talking, otherwise, she will feel pressured by you. So, say nothing!

The less you say about the R/M, the better. And, until you let go of all your idea's of saying something to change how she feels.....it won't get better.

The best thing a man can do (IMO) to cause the WAW to wrestle with her decisions, is for him to be disinterested in her. She sees him moving on, quite happily, and totally over her. When this entire thing has come around to bite her in the a$$, then she'll see the big mistake she's made. But as long as she sees life without you being better than life with you, she won't desire to change her decisions.

but is there ever a time when he can say something to attempt to get a WAW to focus on his changes or the improvements in the R/M?

No! B/c if you have to point out your changes or how hard you're working, then you've automatically cancelled any chance of having the effect you desire.