Hey Purgatory, I completely understand what you are saying about being in a funk! Yesterday I was angry and wanted to throw in the towel. Today I am sad and want to beg and plead (not going to, but still...)
I think that you have been doing a really good job of working on bettering yourself. Try to keep reminding yourself that all of the changes that you are making now are going to pay off in the end.
Unfortunately, it has taken getting pretty darn close to losing everything for us to wake up and realize that we need to make some drastic changes in our lives.
I watched a show last night about a women that said that she was thankful for finding out that she had cancer because that is when she really started to live life.
I know it's incredibly difficult, but maybe we should be looking at this as more of a blessing than a curse. I don't know about you, but I was incredibly unhappy with myself and I took life and my W for granted. This has been a huge wake up call and I definetely do not want to make the same mistakes in the future.
Sorry I'm just kind of rambling, but just know that we are here for you.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
I agree with Sunshine. When I was really in the thick of my H illness, especially after he left home, I had many "lows" and only a few "hi's". It is the funk we LBS's find ourselves in. We take on their issues without focusing on ourselves to make us better. I think that is why we suffer so much of the agony, hurt, and pain when they leave or when they give the quintessential ILYBINILWYA speech.
I learned to view the devastation in my M as a wake up call to me. While my H has his own issues to deal with, I cannot help him or myself without truly looking in the mirror and figuring out who I am.
Even now, my backslide has reminded me that I am blessed with a life that I am "allowed" to live. We just need to live it!
You are doing great!
DU
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
"Everytime you get in a funk, pull yourself up and move forward. Dwelling on the negative helps no one and hurts everyone."
AC- Thank you for taking time to encourage me. I re-read my post, and I sound so pathetic. I do know that for the sake of my kids, I have no choice but to 'move forward'... they are sometimes my best distraction I was able to turn my funk around today and I watched The Polar Express with my S and we made some cookies, the night ended with smiles
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Rick1963: I'll make sure to share the numbers if I ever get my crystal ball! I have ordered DR, waiting for it to arrive. I've spent a lot of time thinking about GAL activities...I've dusted off my resume and sent out a few applications, I'm going to try a new dance class this weekend (I was a dancer until I was 23 and I realized I've missed it) and I'm going to the movies (alone, but I'm ok with that). I've decided that the holiday season will not tell me how to feel- I WILL take charge of the holiday and make it the best I can for me and my boys!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
WHG: "Though watching her try to attract him and watching him ignore her is starting to become good theater..." This made me laugh! I'm sorry that you are faced with that possibility on New Years.
"The mindset is more a matter of keeping hope and faith (and lots and lots and lots of faith) that things will work out and will work out as you want them to. But realizing that if they don't you will be ok, your kids will be ok, and you will thrive." **I have a tattoo of the japanese symbol for faith** I have always been able to use my faith to get me through tough times before, I need to be able to get my faith wrapped around this situation. I am slowly coming to the acceptance that the kids and I WILL be ok... it's still hard to imagine at this point.
Thanks for taking the time to write your encouraging thoughts
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Sunshine: are you sure we're not related?? "Unfortunately, it has taken getting pretty darn close to losing everything for us to wake up and realize that we need to make some drastic changes in our lives." My H got mad in one of our joint sessions and asked why he had to move out for me to even take a step towards change... I had no excuse. I simply said: "I'm really hard headed, I needed a 2x4 upside my head to get me to pay attention." I can't lie- I've been beating myself up for not paying closer attention to him sooner.
"I don't know about you, but I was incredibly unhappy with myself and I took life and my W for granted. This has been a huge wake up call and I definetely do not want to make the same mistakes in the future." Ditto. I know that my H wasn't perfect in the M. But he did put up with a lot from me and my 'crazy' self (involving throwing things and a power drill... one of the few outbursts I do remember)... and through all of that, he would hug me and say: "I'm not giving up on you yet, I love you." I m so sad that I took that level of commitment for granted.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
DU: "I learned to view the devastation in my M as a wake up call to me. While my H has his own issues to deal with, I cannot help him or myself without truly looking in the mirror and figuring out who I am. " I have been looking in that mirror for 7 months now (when H first moved out)... I'm starting to recognize the woman looking back at me. I told my C the other day, that I feel like I've come out of a fog and there is destruction all around me and I don't know how we got to this point. Part of that is that I literally don't remember the intensity of our 'fights' thanks to fugue states... but that doesn't mean they didn't happen- a reality that I'm coming to accept. I continue to be surprised (in a good way) by the things I'm learning about myself through my separation and beyond... I can see that I'm starting to like myself again
I'm not looking forward to the 'lows' when he leaves- but I have 5 months to make a game plan to handle them.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
I have been thinking of taking dance classes myself. Would love to shake it up to songs like soul sister. Hopefully my big flat feet won't interfere wada ya think? Do what you have to do to make you happy. Only way to survive this crappy experience.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick- Dancing is great! And even if someone doesn't have rhythm, coordination or has 2 left feet- anything goes! I would recommend a hip-hop class if you can find one-don't think that it's all ghetto booty shaking, there is some of that, but mostly it's finding your own 'groove' and moving however the music makes you feel. They have the best music and your flat feet shouldn't get in the way
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
I love Zumba. If you cannot find a hip-hop class, try zumba!!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
