Thanks, Brenalim - appreciate it. Did track down your sitch and you have been through a lot - hope you're getting to the other side.
Am struggling now with actually "doing" this (proceeding to separate, divorce, etc., especially concerned about the kids as well as turning everyone's lives "upside down"), but she is not willing to go NC with the OM (who she says is "no longer" an OM but that he is an "important person" to her).
I feel like she is forcing my hand and that I need to proceed down the path to separation/divorce, as I know I couldn't live permanently knowing this was hanging over us (and as I think I mentioned, did discover that just a few weeks ago she went to his bday gathering out of town, where "nothing happened")...
The last thing she suggested was potentially a "short" separation (which I think she thought she would learn that "independence" isn't all she thinks it will be) - of course, don't know if the ulterior motive is the OM (she says it isn't, but at this point, I don't take anything as truth).
I did raise with her my concern that we were confusing our boys by being "normal" around each other (even affectionate) should we potentially turn around and separate (not that we should be screaming at each other), which I think she now gets.
Guess the issue is that we have lots of other issues besides just the OM one, and have been trying to work on them the last 2 years and we haven't really moved the bar, so also feel like even if we could figure out a mechanism to get past this OM nonsense that we have lots of other disconnects.
Heading to my IC and hope to get at some of this stuff with her...have a good holiday, everyone - know it is tough for folks this time of year.
