WAW told me she idoesn't want to be married.

[25yearsmlc]

First night of chanukah without my w. I have my kids but still a hard night. Not really looking fwd this years holidays but i will suck it up and have as much fun with them that i can.

I hope you do have fun with them Witz...really..for you and THEM!

I felt similar to Adinva btw. I pick up a lot of resentment from you.
Seems there is a lot of score keeping and measuring going on from you, and she has had to ask you for help in things that most "partners" would already be doing. I guess my take on it was that you were sort of clueless and counting what you did, and taking for granted what She does/gives on a daily basis.

It's not a big 2 x 4 but I cannot help but feel you are tallying acts of service instead of just lovingly giving...

I'm also very unclear as to what your 180s are.

What changes do you think your w has noticed, if any, in You?

You posted first in October, I believe (which is why I thought your sitch was only 2 months)

originally about how your w announced she wanted out.

It sounded as if you didn't put much effort into the actual r between you and your w. (TV instead of joining her in bed, not going to counselling after SHE asked to...etc) Otherwise you were vague about her complaints and yet you were seeing a therapist. This confuses me.

Surely you must know some of your issues and it's not all a mystery, right?

Anyhow, in that original post, after the comment about how you sort of ignored her as a woman, then you said you loved her "more than anything and she knows it."

um, really?

To me, it's clear she did Not feel loved by you.

I'm actually NOT trying to hit you with a 2 x 4 - but let's say I'm onto something here, okay?

For a minute, assume that the core problem in your marriage was you taking her for granted as a mate.

So, what's new Now? How have YOU outwardly changed towards her?

How would she come to believe that marriage to you now, could be better or different?

If you cannot answer that^^^ with Some specifics, that's you being stuck.

As for dating OWs, I know it's hard to assess other's sitches.

And I don't know much about the OM in her life. You seemed to sort of skim over it and suddenly I was reading about an OM and said, "what OM??"
I missed something big there.

So I don't know what to say about that. But it does not change my basic question.


What's new in your r? How are you different around her? The 180s?

And how are your GAL activities?

Those are what YOU control...and though I'm not a fan of dating while supposedly working on the m,

being a bit mysterious around your w, would not hurt!

Get some new cologne and clothes and a haircut. Go out and be vague about your "errands" or "seeing some friends"... you don't have to lie, to be mysterious.

Oh, as for God...well, metaphysically speaking I found the whole nightmare MLC experience, to have at least one BIG upside

- me getting in touch with my God, or higher power or the universe or whatever you want to call it/him.

He helps. My faith in "something caring about me", is less creed specific, but a lot stronger in reality, than before.

So Keep talking to Him b/c He is listening...and be open to the changes He might bring about in You...

((( )))