When I came here I was broken and fragile. I could barely think. I was devastated....heart broken!
H had ended his A and ow had been moved and gone for 2 months. He wanted his M. Still, H was vacant at times, still in the alien brain fog, s l o w l y coming out of it. I had to give him space and allow him to grieve. Seems unfair, doesn't it? Did to me and still does from time to time. I don't dwell on it as much anymore.
At times I think about it all and it seems more of a memory without all the pain. Then there are those times when it all ambushes me. I'm better at managing those tiems within myself. I don't tell him much anymore when I'm sad. Sometimes he notices and checks in. That is helpful. As my dad would have said, "Damn decent of him!"
At this point I am looking at the changes I've made and the changes I'd like to see in him. Sometimes I wonder why I love this man so much. He has been pretty awful. I can see how he drove me away to cause him to feel abandoned. I can see how my history kept him at arm's length and caused him to feel neglected. We're working on it. I have no choice but to fully commit. THAT is scary, but my intention is to do it.
Words of wisdom? Seems when I have them I get knocked again by something. I'm not backing down easily anymore. I'm going to be focusing on a healthy, well-balanced, compassionate M with my H. I can only hope he does the same!
M 55 H 58 M 24 T 29 S 22,21, 19 Bomb 4/10 It (A) really isn't about you 11/2013 We all have work to do
The truth will set you free, but it will almost kill you first.
