It's your hurt, it's your journey and there are hurdles... some just the course of nature, the other sometimes placed by you (and me in my case).
In the same way your kids are beginning to understand that actions speak louder than words so will your ex's parents. And she will always be their daughter, the baby the loved from day one. It's a blessing if you're able to keep your extended family. And the way to do it (or at least what I did) is respecting the bond between parents and their child, the ex spouse's siblings and relatives. Everyone is hurt, not just you and has to find their own way. Pointing fingers, wanting to explain, venting about all the wrongs pushes folks who care for each of you away.
I ran into a couple I adored. The husband had worked closely with my ex and had retired to Florida. The couple and I went to lunch, had a wonderful time until they brought up Bill. My mouth started going... his legal fees depleted everything, he didn't see the kids at all, didn't give a cent to our son for college. I went on and on.. his affair during our marriage.. yadda yadda. When I tried to get in touch with them I never got a call back. And I keep trying for months. After a year I found out why.. from my ex. That our friend had been so horrified, that he went and spoke to the ex who told his own story. And my friend had to choose. Whether he let go of both of us, or just me, that friendship is gone.. and it makes me sad.
But I lost that connection because of my own anger, my feeling of betrayal.. which I spewed nonstop. And it was a very hard lesson that took quite a while to learn.
It hurts. It stinks. But.. as always.. ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. Healthy boundaries, my friend. Oh yes... and the ex has never taken any accountability over the break up of the marriage, the mangling of the divorce.. and it's a blessing in disguise. There is no way that 100 percent of the finger pointing and blame is caused by one person. And you do take accountability for your actions. The secret is to no expect the same from someone who left emotionally and physically years ago.
And that is not justifying their actions. Just accepting that their baggage is no longer yours to own.
