Val: You are so right about the change of heart not as a tactic. I'm having trouble with that, I'll be honest b/c I still do want 'us' back so badly. I keep reminding myself it's for ME it's for ME and no matter what I will be a better person in the end.
It's not a bad thing that you want your marriage back so badly. I think alot of us do.
In fact, you can use it as a motivator to keep going. You can use your love for your spouse to keep going.
I think where it gets hard is when we attach expectations from our spouse or believe that we are ONLY making the 180 for our spouse. I believe it gets hard when we FAIL to see the benefit to ourselves. I believe it gets hard when we allow the fog to change our perspective.
If you weren't in this crisis and your wife said "at the end of every semester... I feel x", you would do your d@mndest to change it.. because you love her.
That should still ring true even though things aren't great. Don't let the sitch put conditions on the love you would show her.
I'm not saying to be blind or not to protect yourself.. but if you still love her and don't want to hurt her.. than that should still play heavily into your changes and your decisions....
... at least in IMHO.
btw - I DO think you are trying and I DO think you are making progress.
Yes continue to make the changes for YOU.. but it's okay to say I'm doing this for ME, because I really want to be the kind of spouse for W. That's not making it about her. That's realizing where you have fallen short and saying... "I want to be better" Why? Because my relationship deserves it, because my w deserves it, because my son deserves it.. and because I deserve it".
Make sense?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
