Antlers, I haven't been here in a long time. My D was final in 2007. I asked the same questions you asked because everyone kept telling me I had to forgive him, the problem was, I was more hurt than angry. Forgiveness didn't seem to be the answer.
What I learned is that the burdens you carry with you: pain, hurt, guilt, anger, sadness, ...whatever, all need time. The only way through is through. However, the more you indulge in what my friends call "mental masturbation", the more worked up you will get and the fresher the wound will feel. Just like a scar needs time to fade, so do your wounds.
When you are ready to move on, you will. Of course her mother will say she has moved on. Her mother wants her daughter to be happy and sees what she wants to see. The first guy I dated after the D had everyone happy that I had "moved on". Had I? No, but atleast I was distracting myself.
It was 6 years this Nov since he dropped the bomb. I am happily dating a wonderful man now but I will tell you that Nov and Dec still have some very hard days for me. In fact, a close friend's wife just dropped the bomb on him this past week and it felt like I had gotten the sucker punch. It brought it all rushing back to me. The good news is, it has also faded quickly. I am upset for my friend but I can step back and help him without hurting.
Time is your friend. Ignore what everyone else says about her. Appearances mean nothing.
