Never thought I'd be here......part 2

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Crimson,

Saying "look at me, look how good I'm doing" is pursuing, because you are looking to her for validation. You're putting on a little show and she is your audience. That's why you don't talk about it, you don't seek approval. If you MUST say something because it's killing you, talk about an accomplishment that your changes have enabled. For instance, if you had a goal to get in great shape by hiking, talk about a recent summit you bagged and how much fun it was. In that case, you're sharing something fun, the fact that you had to be in good shape to bag the summit is implied. Get it? Don't say "hey, I've got myself in really good shape, I know you always wanted me to do that". That's different from saying "I went on this really great hike on Sunday with some friends. We climbed up X peak and the view was awesome! I'd like to take S in the backpack on something a little less ambitious". See the difference?

The BEST thing is to say nothing and to continue to demonstrate your changes.

Here's the thing -- SHE NOTICED!

Let me say that again -- SHE NOTICED!

Why do you need to discuss it? You're sitting pretty, you've made progress! You haven't talked about it, and she noticed (or heard about it) anyway. All you can do now is screw it up. If you talk about it, she's not going to think your changes are even better. Let her imagination fill in what she doesn't know, let her wonder. You want her thinking about you, if you tell her all the details, she has no reason to think about you at all because she knows everything.

am OK glossing over the dating remark - even though I fear that it will send a green light to her to date.

Your lights don't have anything to do with her decision to date. She'll date if she wants to, regardless of whether you are dating or not. You can't control that so don't worry about endorsing it (or not)

How can I show her that marriage to me would be different/better from this point forward?

The answer is in your question, you have to "show" her, not "tell" her. Let it go. Telling only sets you back.

This is the one of the rare times that she has even mentioned anything along these lines - should I just let it pass?

Crimson, she initiated some dialog with you that wasn't about S or D. Did you read my analogy about the dammed up water? To your W, you are a big dammed up resevoir of emotion. She wants no part of that, she wants to stay away from it. If she makes a little overture and you overwhelm her, she will retreat. If you let it pass, you're more likely to get more from her, and you're more likely to get more sooner.

I believe it's in DR where it talks about a relationship like a teeter totter, when one person is up, the other is down, you can't both be up at the same time. You need to give her the space to reach out to you, by not reaching out to her.

You need to let her make overtures by not making any of your own.

When she does reach out to you, you need to make that experience "safe" for her. You make it safe by never escalating the situation, never taking it up a notch from what she's bringing to the table. If she hugs you, hug her back but don't kiss her or say "I love you". Keep it at the level she is bringing -- that makes it "safe" for her to extend herself a little more.

I think I posted you the link to the passage I quoted from "Love Must Be Tough" on CaughtOffGuard's thread. Re-read that. If she steps left away from you, and you take a step left to follow her, she's going to take another step left to maintain distance from you. If instead you take a step to the *right* thereby increasing the distance:

1) she has no reason to move any farther away
2) It's safe for her to take a step back toward you without violating the spacing she wants.

Make sense?

You need to let that whole dialog go. There is no response needed from you about any of it.

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