I was re-reading the "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." I stumbled across this line that hit home.
"Should I, , after tea and cakes and ices, Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?"
I think I have in the past been doing that too much. "Forcing a moment to its crisis." I love that line and I love that idea.
I love this too....and your thread...AND I'm glad you're giving advice on the board and especially newcomers.
I think you describe on this thread, the root of piecing. It's so much easier to DB when you're just trying to get your spouse's attention, to change your behavior in order to get another chance. The REAL work is getting back into the nitty gritty the ins an outs that are propelled sometimes by emotion or desires and sometimes by externals (like $$). It's messy.
In a scenario earlier you mentioned, it wasn't pure DBing, but it WAS. Your needs and wants are as important as hers. Not moreso, but as much. Sometimes it's give give give, and sometimes it's give and take, and sometimes, you really feel it's time to receive, have your boundaries observed.
I think you do it well, that you are a great example.
IMHO -- sometimes folks jump the gun too fast (or not fast enough). I think you're a great example.
Unfortunately, after folks get DBing for awhile, or in certain crowds on the board, they get really focused on the fact their spouse isn't responding versus changing their own behavior. But, their is a time, when the spouse needs to be changing their behavior...there has to be a dance, a give and take.
Anyway, now I'm rambling, which is why I post short a good deal of the time, because, if I don't, I ramble.
I'm thankful for your presence, your posts, your help on the board.
Wishing you the best, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
