Never thought I'd be here......part 2

[Accuray]

Crimson,

You're getting good advice here. NO WAY should you respond to her dating comment in any way. Pretend she didn't say that at all.

I am glad to hear of your transformations. I wish I could’ve been instrumental in supporting them along the way, It is interesting to see that once I was gone, you were able to make changes. Whatever the case, I’m glad to hear about them.

Why is she "hearing" about your transformations -- did you inventory them for her? If so, do not! The point is to do it for you. If she notices them, great! If not, that's ok too. Do not inventory all the changes you've been making for her benefit, that is pursuing.

Regarding transformations, even though you haven’t been around to support them along these last few months, you’ve been very influential – so I thank you for that. I’m trying to be a better human being and a better father.

Don't acknowledge her transformation comment either, she's baiting you.

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You need to build some mystery -- you need her to *wonder* what you're up to, so don't serve it up, make her dig for it.

Here's my ultimate DB scenario for you for the holiday:

W comes to pick up S or drop off S (versus you doing the driving). When she arrives, you are not waiting for her, she walks up on a scene where you're surrounded by friends and family, you're looking good, happy, obviously having a good time. Your blackberry is nowhere in site. You're wearing sharp clothes she hasn't seen before and have a new or different haircut.

When she comes, you're polite to her but not overly friendly, you do not invite her to stay. You help her collect S's things, load him into her car, kiss him goodbye, and go back inside.

She shows up by herself, picks up S, and drives home to be *alone* with S. That's what you want:

1) She sees you happy without her being part of the picture
2) You do not pursue at all
3) One of her complaints (Blackberry addiction) is not in evidence
4) You're at ease in a scene that looks fun and inviting but does not include her
5) There is something different about you (clothes, hair, attitude) that she doesn't understand, and you do NOT explain it.

If you can pull that off, that's probably about as good as you can do.

Accuray