You can't force anyone to do anything. You can set your boundaries but they should be one that you should be willing to stand by.
Remember that in this journey, we are not on the same level as our spouses are. While you are already at the 1 mile mark, she may be only willing or able to run 200 yards, and thats because she still has all that baggage weighing her down. Not to say that you don't have any of your own, but you may be stronger or had a head start. Maybe if you are patient, and wait for her to divest herself of her baggage, she will be able to catch up with you.
The reasons why she isn't able to catch up may be varied: Maybe you set a boundary, say something like if she doesn't catch up in 3 hours thats it, or maybe you keep running ahead whenever she is almost there, or maybe you come back and push her back when she is almost there. Or maybe she herself decided that she doesn't want to run.... is that how you see it?
Many people had advocated tough love to me, and I did try the boundaries-ultimatum thing but it did not work and just served to push H away. Now, I am seeing the results of being patient and letting things play out.
Acceptance? Unconditional love? You know, it may sound very doormat like, but in the end, I found that it really did matter. As long as you go about it in a dignified manner and don't beg or show how miserable you are, but that you love and accept your W and her struggles, and will stand and wait in dignity while she finds her way, in the meantime you work on yourself and make yourself the best person. My H told me that he admired how I could love and accept him after all he did, and I think that knowledge is a big part of why he has decided to commit back to our M.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
